Venting. Take Two.

If you ever just click on links to blogs from another's posts, like I do, then you know I wrote this one a few days ago.  However, it was right after my last "Beautiful Girls" post, and it was really negative and angry and I didn't want it to reflect in any way on that post, because I was pretty proud of the positivity each one had generated.  In the beginning,  I was just responding to others negativity and anger, so I had to sit on this a few days, to figure out a better way of saying what I needed to say.  
 First off, I guess I have to consider myself a "Liberal".  Though saying that doesn't bother me, what people put behind it, does.  Like, I'm not as classy as a human as I should be, because I don't take the "Conservative" approach, normally.  As I've said before, I really try to take the side of things that make sense to ME.  How it affects ME, you know?  Not just because someone said that that's how THEY see it, or that's what THEY believe.  I really don't like having to differentiate myself from others by classing us as either Conservative, or Liberal.  Aren't we all people?  Aren't we each entitled to have an opinion?  And maybe tolerate it when someone's differs?  Maybe not go on and on and on, about your opinion, when people aren't engaging--literally saying they'd prefer not to fight with you, or listen to what they feel is wrong or a waste of their time? Anyway,  I guess this is where I must place myself. But I'm standing up right now, and saying that's because I agree with over half of the Liberal plans...and disagree with over half of the Conservative's.  Here in Utah, it seems like a lot of people think you can't be Mormon, and Liberal.  In fact, I read this week in someone's blog that they're tired of " A bunch of used-to-be-Mormons mindlessly taking a liberal standpoint". 
It sounds a lot like they're saying you can't be Mormon and Liberal at that same time.  And guess what?  You can.  It's called having a choice, and having free agency.  Something that if you're Mormon, you know IS A BIG DEAL.  
So this is my point.  I have a lot of hope in this new Health Care Reform. I'm not saying that I know all about it, because I don't, and frankly, I won't push myself to read EVERYTHING out there in order to expand my knowledge.  On the other hand, what I have read about it hasn't seemed to include all the terror that "overly knowledgeable" (and please see this as sarcasm) people that consider themselves "die hard Conservatives", are driving into the hearts of anyone mindless enough not to check SOME of it out themselves.  I haven't found the part where "I'm going to pay for Bobby Lee Brasco's eighth abortion cause she can't keep her legs shut and doesn't want another kid messin' up her lifestyle".  In fact, I've found the opposite.  So I'm just going with what I have actually READ--by documented sources. 
 And I'm not going to go into detailed conspiracy theories.  Because I do have a few, but I'm so tired of listening to everyone elses that I have a headache, and I'm sure that mine are no less stupid than the others I've heard.  Also, politics is a flat-out, nasty business--no matter which way you swing.  No matter what, we are all kept in the dark on a lot of major things.  That's the way of worldly power. 
However, despite us knowing all this, I'm having such a hard time with people, lately.  Guess what?  I don't want the government to take ALL my resources and choices and properties and everything away, either.  Does that sound super fun to me?  Nope.  However, I'm not the one shaking my fist and yelling:"RIP AMERICA!!! YOU'VE BROUGHT THE END OF TIMES UPON YOURSELVES!" I'm the one that admits we needed a change.  I am the one that still wants change, and hopes that something good will come out of it.  Here's my question for all you faithful followers of the LDS religion, because according to some, I was never faithful, because I have taken Liberal stands even BEFORE it was trendy.  But for all of you that are completely righteous and steadfast and let's not forget, political geniuses, where is your faith?  These last two years I had to endure all this, "please pray for our leaders that they will be open to positive inspiration...." and blah, blah, blah.  And guess what?  I did.  And guess what else?  I don't think I was the only one that actually followed that request, and I am betting that people supporting the conservative party did as well.  Could you maybe think for a second that they WERE swayed in the right direction? Or open to the spirit? That millions of people, that our country, that YOU needed a change from what we'd gone through in the past eight years of the Bush administration?  I mean, really?  Why can't you see that a change is needed?  That this country is based on the ability to change with the people and keep up with the times.  If it wasn't, we'd still be okay with having slaves, and uneducated Americans and women having no say in anything, and the list goes on and on.  After the constitution was written, did all the problems of the USA go away?  No.  It was through errors and paradigm shifts and even enlightenment in unusual beings and places, that it's come to be where we are today.  
Like all change, it's not going to be 100% great for everyone, right away.  We'll have to adapt and vote, and see what works, and what doesn't, and luckily, we have the privilege to vote to get it to be as workable a system as it can.  But it will never be perfect.  Ever.   
One thing I do know? And here's where I'm completely unapologetic in admitting my true opinion:  Everyone is entitled to have healthcare.  I don't care who you are.  Because I don't know anyone that would just stand there and let a person scream in pain or watch a child suffering, without NEEDING to do something.  Anyway, I hope I don't.  I'm usually a lot choosier in my friends, than that. And unless you can actually do something other than bitch about what may happen? I'm going to assume that you have no idea of what you're talking about...and I'm putting my faith in some of this change being the beginning of something better for people that need it. And one day, it may just be you.

The last ones...

Hey all.  So, I got the results of Cole's blood tests.  Apparently he tested really high in ONE of the gluten tests.  (I guess there are three different ones?) In a way, this is good...it means that there is something tangible that we can work with.  He now takes prevacid AC each day, and he needs to stay away from sugars.  This means big carbohydrates, too.  So we're going to have to really work on rearranging our eating habits, and such.  And poor Cole, he's going from eating sugar and starches daily, maybe I should say hourly, to cutting WAY back.  I'm still trying to figure out how I can make more "gluten free" meals, and basically, this means a lot of gross stuff, and foods that sound and look terrible.  So, wish me luck.  It doesn't seem like that big of deal, but it's actually going to change all our lives.  For the better, but still a big change. And yeah, it's also anxiety related...but this is something that I have, too.  So Jeff and I are even more firm in our resolve to make our home a sort of haven for all our kids. Just a place that they enjoy being themselves, and know that they're loved and appreciated.  Even when I'm being a really rotten mother. 

 This is my last "Beautiful Girls" post.  I wanted to restate that these women aren't the only beautiful girls I know, but they're important to me....really important to me in different ways.  I think that a good woman is fairly easy to find...it's the good men that are in short supply.  Why is that?  I mean, if you were to really think about the people you know...the best ones, aren't they like, 89% women?  And beautiful?  This is personal experience talking, not just opinion.  Thus, the reason I felt like I needed to do this for the women in my life.  So, there ya all go.   

Sadie doesn't comment on my blog, but I know she reads it.  She's mentioned it to me a couple times, and when I check the map on my blog...which I do more often than I feel comfortable admitting, I always see two Laramie, Wyoming, points.  One, I know is my sister, Lora.  And the other started up after Sadie moved there to go back to school.  So I'm assuming it's her.  And if it's not, then this will be the first time I've ever been wrong in my entire life. ;) I met Sadie, really met her when I was in eighth grade and she was in seventh grade.  I'd seen her at school before then, but we were in different grades, and it wasn't until we had one class together-choir-that I met her and her best friend, Kass Sanders.  I liked them immediately. They were funny, and so much alike that sometimes it was as if they were sisters, even looking alike.  But I was always closer to Sadie.  She seemed to get me a lot better, and I just thought she was adorable.  I remember her getting mad once at Christopher Walmouth because he was never nice to her.  He was Becky Elliot's boyfriend at the time, and I asked why it was that big of a deal. She said, "Well, you'd think that maybe he'd be less of an a$$hole to Becky's friends because when he's a jerk, all of us won't convince her to dump him".
She's always been that girl that seems to be completely comfortable with herself, and that was something I admired, greatly.  Grade school, and high school, and in adulthood, she's never settled. She is spiritually and physically strong...and if she feels like she can be stronger, she takes the initiative. She's going back to get her Master's Degree, and she's self-sufficient in a way that I've never been.  She's truly beautiful, and fun, and everyone that knows her, loves her.   Though I don't see her often, she is a person that I know that if I were to visit her, or she me, we'd be comfortable, and enjoy each others company.  There aren't a lot of people like her.  And I'm lucky enough to call her a friend. 

Sarah Comin (Baker) was the only LDS (Mormon) friend I had growing up.  She was a year older than I.  There were others in my age group, but they sucked.  Big time.  In fact, one out of the two LDS girls that were actually my exact age (Holli Sharp), and her older sister-who became pregnant her senior year-would call me "Bitch" in the hallways of school, between classes.  Nice, right? And the reason they'd call me bitch is because I made fun of her older sister, Heather, when we went to a Seminary breakfast and she cut her boyfriend's pancakes into bite-size pieces.  Granted, he WAS two years younger than she was, so I'm guessing choking COULD have been a problem.  (Btw, her boyfriend was Lance Shepperson, of the Levi and Lance Shepperson "smell" she commented on, and he married and had three kids with her, and ended up divorcing Heather and getting remarried to her within a three year span.  Now I'm friends with him on Facebook, and he seems to spend a lot of time in Karaoke bars, with a blond girl--not Heather--that's his wife and has two brown front teeth.  Not that that's really relevant for this post, but I was right....I thought that their pancake-cutting love was a joke and guess what?  IT WAS).  And April Strait was the other Mormon in my grade...and anyone that knew her thought she was a freakshow and a half.  And she was also pregnant by our senior year.  And interesting side note, I think I've seen her stomach more times than anyone outside my nuclear family...every time I went back to Wyoming, she'd show it to me.  Just because she'd popped out five kids (at that time), and had no stretch marks.  I didn't ask, believe me.  Kudos to her, though.  I'd be pretty proud of my non-stretchmarkedness, too, however, a bit more private about it .  Anyhoo, sorry about that stroll down memory lane...back to Sarah.  
Sarah was that girl that was kind to everyone, and thoughtful and steadfast in our faith, which for a high school kid, was really hard.  It was really hard for me, anyway...and obviously it wasn't a cake walk for the others in our age group, either. But the place where she was strongest, was believing in herself. I remember that Sarah had the worst obstacle that I'd ever seen anyone have to overcome, in her daily life.  And I can't tell you exactly what it was, as it's not my memory to share, but it rhymes with "shmendy".  And it was one of the most evil and vile things I've ever seen...still to this day.  Honestly.  I say that my childhood was rough, but I didn't have a shmendy to deal with, and I know I would've ended up in an institution if I would have.  Because I would have gouged out her eyes and sawed off her limbs. And she totally would have deserved each depraved routine of torture I put her through.  But that's all I'll say about it.
I think what made me love Sarah most was her personal strength.  As a kid, you have all these obstacles...like getting along with friends, and just making it through each day, and trying to find what you need and what you can do about it.  In addition to that, in addition to being my friend, and helping ME with those things, she had to deal with this monster, that seriously tried to sabotage her daily.  And I witnessed so many things that were just...so completely unjust and terrible, yet, were things that became her everyday life.  And so this is just one of the reasons for my amazement with Sarah, is this:  She overcame all of it.  She's a mother herself, and her world revolves around her little one, I've witnessed that much.  And she never had that.  And her husband loves her, and has given her everything that she missed out on...and I've witnessed that, as well.  Sarah's adult life is the way I always hoped and prayed it would be.  She's one of those people that deserve greatness, and she's got it.  She's smart and lovely, and doing and being what she always had wanted.  I'm so happy for her, and her story makes me believe that having great courage and self-worth won't steer you wrong.  It just takes a seriously strong person to make it work.

Sarah Stevenson is my niece.  That's so weird to me sometimes, but I guess that's how it happens when your husband has 14 siblings.  I've gotten to know Sarah a little better because for a while she was in my book club.  Now, obviously, she's a knockout, but I'm pretty sure that everyone loves her voice...anyway, I do.  And I'm very popular, so chances are high.  She has an English accent that I just wish I was born with.  Sometimes when she's talking I feel bad, because I'll miss parts...as I'm just coveting her accent the entire time, imagining myself and how everyone would love me if I sounded like her...Anyway, back to Sarah.  She's funny.  And she pretends to think I'm funny.  That's two things that someone has to have to make me a fan.  She's gotten so fricking skinny lately...and believe me when I say that's a compliment.  Maybe some wouldn't think so, but if I could be skinny like her, I'd be soooo happy.  And I'd wear belly shirts and mini skirts.  So maybe it's a good thing I've got some junk in my trunk, and then some.  Otherwise, my neighbor wouldn't be the only trashy short-shorts sporting, cig smoking, kid yelling, bra-less tank wearing, mama.  
One thing I truly love about Sarah is that she's kind of an "anything goes" girl.  She's really great about fitting in to niches and being open-minded and she makes you feel good to be around her.  I think that people like this draw others because everyone likes to feel good about themselves.  And when you have someone that you wish you were more like telling you that you're fantastic--it's pretty much a high for me. My memory of Sarah has changed recently...and I don't know if it's cause of the new hair color.  She used to be a brunette.  But the other day I was at a family function and I started talking to her.  And she told me I looked great...and I had PMS, and I'd just fretted like an hour before about how to cover up my zits, and bloated belly simultaneously. And there she was, looking like Shadow Barbie...tall, and glamorous and skinny and blond, and genuine, and in a black dress that was funkily stylish.  And she told ME that I looked great.  And she said it in her English accent, so I TOTALLY was listening.  Anyway, that's what I've been thinking about when I think of Sarah, lately.  It's a selfish memory, I know.  But it made me feel so great that I forgot about the side-effects of my bout with PMS and immediately felt more comfortable.  Sometimes people have a gift of saying the right thing.  (Not one of my strong points).  Sarah is definitely one of those people. 

I met Shauna shortly after Jeff and I started dating.  Keri used to tell me all the time when we worked at Future Shop together about her sister that she just admired so much--that was raising her two boys, and her "interesting" views on energies and foods and suppliments, and lots of stuff that I'd never really heard of.  I remember once after Jeff and I were married I was at his parent's house.  And I don't really know why I was there....I think we had to have papers signed for the apartments that we were managers of, or something.  Anyway, Shauna was there, too.  She and her sons Matthew, and Andy.  She was making this weird green drink in the blender, and giving it to her kids.  It smelled pretty good, kind of like apple juice.  But the way it looked, well, it was pretty much what I would expect to find in Andy's diaper after eating some high fiber biscuits.  And Matthew and Andy were chugging it--which I thought was completely weird, because Jeff has some kind of hatred toward salads and anything that's not overly pretty.  And Keri had told me at the time that she "didn't like to eat green things".  So I guess I'd assumed that all Andersons were these weird, picky eaters that had no sense of adventure when it came to culinary creations.  (Sorry Andersons, but you know who you are).  Shauna has broken a lot of what I imagine as "Rules of Andersons".  She's the one that I'm always looking for at family functions, so I can try what she's made for the pot luck dinner.  And she always surprises me with her ability to put stuff together and make it taste great.  I remember once that I was babysitting Shauna's kids and Matthew, who was 12 at the time, told me that he'd never tasted anything better than the homemade meals his mom made.  I wish my kids could say that about me.  But, no.  Never in a million years.  Shauna is one of those people that are truly interested in your opinions and thoughts.  And it's nice, because she's also very accepting.  She's not one of those people that want to know why you think the way you do to tell you why you're wrong...and believe me, I know a ton of people like that.  She wants to know what you think why you think it, to see if there are any angles that she may have missed.  She never makes you ashamed of having a different opinion or outlook, and she always supports you when you do.  I think she's someone that her kids will really treasure.  She's made all these recent changes in her life...and she's facing them head on.  When I think of things that are scary, that's one of the biggest things I can think of...change, and being the one to do it.  But she's completely kicking butt and taking names. There are so many things about Shauna that it's hard to pinpoint anything.  She's truly one of those larger than life people. And I'm in awe of her. 

Sharon is my aunt. She's a woman that I admire for a lot of different reasons.  She's the queen of puns.  Some are pretty bad, ;), but she holds the reign over one of the quickest minds I've ever witnessed.  She's witty, and her memory is amazing.  Sharon can remember the names of people she hasn't seen in like, 15 years.  I can't even remember names of people I met 15 minutes ago.  Or sometimes, close friends and family members. (I've convinced myself that this is an anxiety-induced setback.  Not a repercussion from Diet Mountain Dew).  Anyway, she has lived her life on her own terms for as long as I can remember.  She loves her parents, her brother, and her sister--my mom. I remember summers going to her home, and staying a week.  My mom, my sisters, and my brother would drive for a day and a half, and then be spoiled rotten by Sharon the entire time we'd be there.  She'd feed us, take us to parks and the zoo, and on bike rides or walks, and of course, my favorite part--she let me watch all the MTV I could handle.  She was definitely the most fun part about summers.  I always noticed my mom was really different when we'd go visit.  She was...younger, and laughed, and she and Sharon had a gazillion inside jokes.  As a kid, I thought that was a bit annoying, because I wanted Sharon's attention continually on ME, but I see how important that time was, now.  I need my sisters, both of them, so much.  They're the only ones that know how I came to be the person I am, and that's a remarkable bond.  My mom is lucky that Sharon is her sister, because she's devoted to her family.  I've seen that time, and time again.  Sharon was very supportive of me when my dad was dying.  I will always appreciate that.  Despite the love and devotion she has to my mother, and despite the separation between my parents being ugly and uncomfortable, she still was there for me.  And I think that that, more than anything, showed me that despite other obstacles, family is family.  And it's important to put personal ill will aside, and focus on the best aspects of them.  I've had a really hard time with that this past year, and I feel like I'm coming more to terms with it.  Sharon doesn't know, but she's been a big example to me in a lot of ways.  I love her greatly, and she makes me laugh...even in the most uncomfortable situations.  I'm sad that she lives so far away, but I'm very grateful that she tries to visit whenever she can. 

The last woman I'll tell you about is Wendy.  And honestly?  I don't know if she reads my blog.  But, I do know that her sisters do, and I think it's important that they read what I have to say.  Not that I'm full of the unknown, or anything, but Wendy is someone that amazes me to no end. Let me also say that probably 35% of time I spent on this post went into finding a picture of Wendy.  Which is not an exaggeration.  Seriously.  
Wendy is quiet.  I mean, once you get to know her she's kind of talkative but you kind of have to ease her into it.  I think of her as being a lot like Jeff. Totally photograph-avoiding like Jeff.  Or Jeff being a lot like her, I guess. She's smart and beautiful.  She does our taxes every year, and I am in her eternal debt for doing so.  That's not the only reason she's smart...it's just that I tried to do them one year when it was just Jeff and me.  And I almost had a nervous breakdown because despite the directions being written in English, I'm still too dumb to figure out what they're actually saying for me to do.  Sad but true.  And Wendy teaches herself stuff...she knows how to tile, how to lay laminate boards, how to fix various plumbing problems, how to budget for her family of six, how to squeeze time in for her extended family on top of all the activities of her and her kids.  And the most amazing part?  She does it herself.  She has five kids.  She works full time.  She is a single parent.  How is she still sane? How does she get up and do her hair and makeup everyday? I have asked myself those questions a bazillion times.  And her kids are good kids; which is a true test of a great mom.  They love their mom, and know she loves them. 
Wendy was really good to us at a time when things were hard, financially.  She gave me a job nannying, and I have to say, I loved it.  Not only because she was so good to me, but because I got to know her kids and love them, too.  I got some practice at dealing with teens, tweens, and babies, all at the same time.  And I saw how she cared for each one of her kids, and how she purposely put aside time for each.  I could go on and on, because she's someone that I truly look up to.  I stay home, I have Jeff to dump on, and I have a mere three kids.  And yet, I have times when I'm like:  "I don't think I'm going to make it through today".  Sad huh?  Wendy's life is not anywhere near a cake walk, but she does it.  And she does it well.  She's the meekest Super Woman you will ever meet, but don't be fooled.  She could totally take you in your sleep.

Okay then.  Alphabetically, that's my list.  I'm sorry this last one has come at such a late time.  But I've been somewhere else, I think.  I'm finally able to move around my house again, and not having to wipe tile-dust from everything. And coming up with why I admire these women has been really hard.  Let me fix that:  coming up with reasons why I admire these women has been easy.  Narrowing down those reasons to a paragraph a piece has been a bit overwhelming for me.   I want each woman to be appreciated equally, but not overlooked, because I'm going on and on, either.  Does that make any sense?  It's possible the tile sealant has glazed over my brain and affected me in the same way as toxic paint fumes.  So if I'm just jabbering on with no clear purpose, I blame that.  I have one last thing that I have to add:  Today Kass brought this by:  

Er, this is the underside of it, already being put to good use by my Squish.  After I rearranged it, and laid it out so you can see, this is it in its true splendor:

Isn't it fantastic?  She told me she was going to make a blanket for Syd. In a way, I didn't want to give it to Syd...because I wanted to keep it for me.  But would any of the "beautiful girls" that I gushed about keep a blanket made especially for their baby, for themself?  Probably not.  So I guess I'm learning, right?  I'm taking lessons and carrying through with them. I hope you are, too.  I think we're lucky to have others to look up to, to let us know what we are capable of.  That there are so many more things than we thought possible.  Have a happy Monday!  Hope this lasted you for at least the first 45 minutes of work.  ;) 

And five more...

Hello again.  It's me.  I'm currently experiencing a type of impatient insanity with our home.  Kurt, (Jeff's brother), and Jeff have started the project of tiling the kitchen and bathroom area.  And then from there, they will get to our other two bathrooms.  Right now, everything is dusty.  And stuff is in the wrong place, and the floor looks weird, and the baseboards have been pulled away from the wall.  This annoys me, and causes me great distress.  Yeah, I realize this is the process, and I realize there's really nothing else that can be done, but for me to wait it out.  But the in-between part really sucks for me.  Because I'm kind of anal about stuff.  And change, when it comes to my house, is stressful.  Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know that each and every one of you have experienced this, and your homes/living areas look amazing.  I just want to skip this part, and get to the amazing.  Didn't you all feel that way?  Plus, trying to show a house with everything being so chaotic is kinda futile.  Jeff was here with Kurt on Saturday, and some people came to look...I haven't heard any "feedback" yet, despite me constantly checking my emails.  I've become a little on the obsessed side as far as the feedback is concerned--it's like the comments on my blog.  Last weekend's guy that came and looked didn't like my entry way, because it's "unwelcoming", meaning the stairs block any view into the living room.  Basically, I like that...I like having a bit of privacy when people come over and should I choose to lie and say we're in the middle of something, they can't actually SEE that I'm lying.  It's a win-win for me.  That guy was just wack.   I'm glad I just read about it...otherwise I would have had to tell him what a douche he is, and how he doesn't know anything about anything. Speaking of douches, Kory, Jared was NOT the guy that broke up with Lora.  I'm pretty sure that was Tate.  Jared did turn into a douche, but that was a while later...and he lost all of his good looks, so Lora was right to just lose interest.   
So, I decided that I'll try to take occasional pics of my neighbors...for you, Leah.  I don't know how it will work just yet, as my neighbors to the right just got picked up for domestic violence, and the neighbors to my left we have called the police on two times in a row...for noise issues.  I mean, blaring music until 5 am?  Especially when we know you'll be revving your motorbikes at 9 am?  Come on.  Plus, their taste in music is truly atrocious--Nickelback seems to have a continual rotation.  And that should be reason enough to get the police involved.  That, and the fact that I just hate them.  On a side note, the neighbor to my left is now dating/living with ANOTHER girl from Wyoming.  And when she smokes outside, we are all treated to short-shorts and lots of cellulite and a tank top with the absence of a bra, but she yells at her kid that doesn't want to ride the bus, not a dog.  Not that my Wyoming side hasn't made that same manifestation, I just keep it INSIDE the house.  Perhaps it's because I don't smoke?  I just don't know.  
Okay, now to the part you've all been awaiting.  Rock and Roll.

 Maida just had a birthday on the 2nd.  Happy Birthday, Maida!  She's my mother-in-law.  As you all have picked up, I'm sure, it's that I've got what I'm finding is a pretty rare relationship with my in-laws:  I love them.  Seriously, how often do you hear that?  So, my mother-in-law is a pretty amazing woman.  She's raised 15 kids.  I am raising three...and sometimes I question any sanity that I have left.  And she loves each one truly and differently.  In fact, I don't know if you all know this, but I'm going to spill the beans.  Jeff is pretty much a "momma's boy".  I mean, he will call his dad with any problems we may have with the house or cars or insurance questions...but though he's quiet about it, he relies on him mom quite heavily.  He's softer when he talks about her, and she's always done and said things that let him know that even though he's not living there still, she thinks about him and she's proud of him, and he always appreciates it when she does. If you were to see the other kids, too...they all have that same love for her.  The younger ones still go over and have her baby them.  (No offense, younger ones), and Jeff would too, however, I kinda broke him of that habit years ago.  And I'm finding now that she loves it.  She's been a mom for a long time, and though she's now at that "empty nest" phase, she's still very involved in all her kids' lives.  Most of you have heard my memory of Maida.  Not that it's my only memory, but it was something that I saw as I was dating Jeff.  And it made a huge impact on me.  
I was at their house one day, waiting for Keri.  We were going to go to dinner or something, and Kelli was there, and she was having a bad day.  Now she was like, 14 or 15 at the time, and life was really unfair at that moment.  She kinda had a breakdown, and went downstairs, and I thought I would be funny and say something rude about it.  (Let me say that even at that time I remembered having similar moments of adolescent angst toward my family, as well, however, I thought that since I'd already experienced it, I had some sort of right to be bratty and tease).  So after she went downstairs, I said, "WHOA!  Did you just see that? That was the most drama I've seen since I've been here..."  Or something along those lines.  We had all been having fun, and Maida suddenly got this really stern look on her face, and said "She just needs some time to herself.  She doesn't need anyone making her feel worse about it.".  I totally felt like crap.  NOT the best light to let your future mother-in-law see you in.  However, I also respected her for putting me in my place right then.  Because even though she and Kelli had been at odds two seconds ago, I was not allowed to say anything negative about her daughter.  And that's a sign of a good mom.  I believed it with all my heart right then, and I still do.  
Since then I've totally seen Maida stand up for her kids and their families time after time.  And if there's something that I love about her, it's the fact that she gives every part of herself to ensure their happiness.  She's a wonderful woman. 

Moriah is my oldest friend. Well, not as in "Oldest living friend" or anything.  She's just the one that's stuck around for the longest, outside of family.  We were in Kindergarten together.  I remember going to play at her house frequently when I was young--sometimes with my sisters, too..as we both have two sisters that are the same age.  Moriah would want to play outside and run around--she'd want to pretend stuff.  However, she always indulged me, because she and her sisters had walkie-talkies.  And I didn't think anything was cooler, so she let me play with them, saying:  "May-day, May-day" and "10-4" over and over.  I think about that and know that she had quite a bit of patience with me, even then.  Because I had quite the ability to be annoying.  I know...surprising, right?
Moriah has always been very outspoken about things she likes, or doesn't like.  You all saw her comment on my last post, the one that said she was never a model?  It's untrue.  She was someone I always looked up to.  She has great taste in style and people and food and just...general stuff.  And yet despite my total lack of class and heavy helpings of trash, she was and is always very thoughtful toward me, just because we are friends.  As kids, everything that was important to me, she respected, and though we didn't agree on everything, she was someone that was willing to let people be who and what they needed to be.  We grew up in a predominantly Catholic town, and my being LDS, and the weirdness that was Seminary each morning, and three hours of church every Sunday, and busy each Wednesday night for mutual, well, Moriah voiced her opinion that it was "a lot of fricking time to spend at church".  However, she knew it was important to me, and she never made me feel bad about it.  In fact, she went out of her way to be kind and respectful.  A couple of times I tried to explain why it was, and she didn't demand more reasons or proof, or whatever, she just saw that I believed it, and that was good enough for her.  That's a hard thing to find, I think.  A hard thing to find today, definitely,  But really a hard thing to find in Buffalo, Wyoming, amongst teenagers, for sure.  
A lifetime of friendship is hard to narrow down to one memory.  But I have one that I think explains a lot of who Moriah is.  In April of 1998, I went to visit Moriah in Seattle.  She was going to the University of Puget Sound, and I believe it was her spring break.  She invited me up, and I went.  For a week.  The night that I got there, she and her roommates threw a party.  (She says it was in my honor, but I think the timing was just too good to be true ;) ).  Anyway, I hadn't had a chance to see her in action since high school, you know?  She was one of those people that transcended the cliques and such--she was friends with pretty much everyone.  And the one thing that I noticed is that didn't change when she went to college.  Except she DID find her mojo.  For reals.  The night of the party she introduced me to a lot of people, and every guy that I met had eyes only for Moriah.  Totally loved her.  She was wearing this lavender peasant top, and worn jeans, and her face was like it always was--clear and glowy, and she was beautiful, and she was happy, and funny and every guy there wanted her.  And I know that as she reads this she's probably thinking that I was reading too much into it, but I wasn't.  I was playing the role of the jealous high school friend, and I saw it all.  She was so grounded and confident, and I think everyone wanted a part of that.  There was a roommate she had...and I forget her name, but she was one of those pretty-pretty girls, and she was completely jealous of Moriah, as well. I remember watching her and how she'd look when she'd see Moriah talking to all their friends.  I silently cheered for her.  Because her roommate was a horrendous slut that thought the world revolved around her.  And the only person on her side was the guy that hooked up with her that night.   And he didn't really like her, either.  So, maybe that's a weird memory.  But it was kind of pivotal to me, because I saw my friend flourishing like I'd imagined myself doing a bazillion times, but fell short of.  But seeing her that way changed me.  I really tried to be the person I wanted to be...not the person that maybe I thought I had to be, because it's how I had been for so long.  Does that make sense?  I know she is someone that changed me for the better. She's honestly amazing and fearless.  She'll go places by herself, just because she wants to. (One time she just decided to go to Africa.  And then did it).  Maybe to you it doesn't sound overly huge...but for me, she is someone I completely look up to still, and I am continually working on that confidence that seems to come to her so effortlessly. 

I can honestly say that I wouldn't have made it through a lot of hardships without Muffy.  She's been here in Utah since 2000.  So, for almost ten years she's been my best friend and the sad part is, growing up, I didn't take advantage of her friendship like I should have.  I mean, I was older, and I've already explained what a rotten sister I was, so  I missed out on a lot.  I know that now.  I'm truly grateful to have been able to find out what kind of a person Muff is.  Because she's awesome in every way.  I'm a little jealous of her ability to just be fun and funny in every situation, because sometimes it seems like she's unafraid of anything.  And I have learned a lot from her.  She was always that popular girl that everyone loved.  And I kinda hated that...because I wanted to be that person, and no matter how hard I tried, I just didn't have that natural ability...I really had to work on it.  Not that I'm saying I've got it covered now, by any means, but I sometimes still wonder at how she can be so open and easy-going around everyone.  (Yes, I have a problem with jealousy.  I wish I didn't.  I wish I were more humble, and content with others being more special, having more of something, or just being better than I am, but I'm not. I kinda see it as a personal challenge, and I know that's not it--I need to focus on being content with myself and realize that everyone has their certain "something".   But sometimes it just comes down to when someone shines I want whatever it is that's allowing them to do it.  And obviously I know a lot of women that shine in a lot of different ways.  Thus, my jealousy issues.  I'm kinda working on it). 
Anyway, having Muff as a friend-as anyone that is friends with her would know-has been a huge blessing in my life. But I feel exceptionally lucky to have her as a sister.  She's fiercely loyal and no matter what, she's on my side.  Even if I'm wrong.  She'll hate whomever is mean to me, and she'll love whomever is kind to me.  And it's happened time and time again.  If there is anyone I can count on, it's Muffy.  And I can't really explain how important she is to me.  I don't really have any specific memories I can share...because the ones that stand out most are extremely personal. I know she remembers them, as she's always been there.  She's cried with me, and convinced me to do things that I never thought I could.  And she's let me be a whiny crybaby time and time again. And she's a strong person.  She's smart.  She's continually teaching herself new things, and can figure it out easily...which is something I admire because I'm that girl that just wants someone to do it for me.  If I have to put effort into something, I give up...and she willingly takes on the challenge of learning and being able to do things herself.  Jeff is like that, and I see how smart he is, and I get jealous of their intellect, too.  I have so many good things to say, so many great memories of my baby sister, but the two things that stand out most to me is how beautiful she is, and how fiercely she loves people.  Even when I was at my absolute worst she has loved me, and encouraged me.  I don't deserve her.  But I love her so very much, and I'm so lucky she's here.      

Riley and Sydney are my very favorite beautiful girls. (Yeah, alphabetically Sydney should come later, but I'm sticking my daughters together, and this is my blog, so that's a decision I can make).  I won't go on too much about the both of them, because I post about them and share memories of them quite often.  But there's no way I could fail to mention my best girls.  Riley is an old soul.  She's almost ten, but sometimes I forget this.  She's smart and funny and completely trustworthy.  Sometimes I look at her and my heart aches because she's getting so much older.  And the baby she used to be is gone--even though I still call her "Baby" quite frequently.  One day she might ask me to stop calling her that but I hope it doesn't come for a long time.  She is very patient with me.  I make a lot of mistakes as a mom, but she still tells me I'm doing great and when she tells me that there's no one else she'd ever want for a mother-because she actually does even without my coaching- it makes my heart swell.  I love her so much, and couldn't be without her.  I hope I let her know that, at least a little bit, each day.  She'll always be my first baby.  She'll always be the one that showed me what being a mom is all about.  
And Sydney is a brat.  She has just...cut out her own space in our home without asking, and somehow her space seems to grow daily, until the whole house and everything in it is hers. And in another way she just makes me want to squeeze her until she squeals her little high-pitched yell.  Am I a sadist?  Maybe sort of.  Riley and I were watching Syd once, and I noticed Riley's smile that she usually reserves for her baby sister.  I told her to stop looking at Syd like she's cute, because she's not...and Riley looked at me like she always does and said, "She IS TOO cute.  And you know it.  Mom?  Don't you just sometimes think that Syd does something so cute that you just want to...um...just want to push her?"  I certainly had not been expecting that.  I laughed and said that sometimes I feel like squeezing her, and Riley's eyes got all big as she said, "Me Too!"  Riley must be my daughter.  
I think the reason I have it out for Syd is because she's such a "daddy's girl".  She breaks my heart daily with her disses and lack of kisses.  But there is something about that baby girl that makes me do anything to see her smile.  Even spoil her rotten, and then I find myself contributing more to her bratty nature.  Her little hands with their dimply fingers simply need to touch me and I'm picking her up, and rocking her, or rubbing her little hands and massaging her neck and scratching her back.  And then when I ask for a kiss she turns away from me like I didn't just spend the last hour doing whatever SHE wanted me to do.  UGH!  BRAT.  I need some love too, you know? But when I was pregnant with Syd, I knew she'd be the stubborn one.  She was the one that continually kicked me, and stretched until I couldn't breathe, and didn't let me sleep at all.  I knew she'd be strong and healthy and sassy...and I was right.  She's the little girl that surprised me in the best way possible.  And I love her so much sometimes I want to push her.  And squeeze her.  And bite her, and pinch her.  And never let her go.  So maybe that's why she's so mean to me.  Because she knows that I have one of those personalities that are that much more attracted to someone that shows no interest.  ;)  
I have two very different girls, and each one is completely perfect.  

Well, those are my five for this week.  With all the chaos in my house, I'm finding it hard to actually have a second to sit down and type.  Which is sad, because I enjoy it when I get the chance.  Riley got braces today.  She looks cute, and I need to take a picture.  She had two permanent teeth pulled yesterday, and next Monday, she'll have two more removed.  Cole went to the doctor today because of his chronic stomach pain.  They took some blood tests and a urine test...and if they don't find anything with those, a cat scan, and throat scope, a couple of ex rays and a biopsy were mentioned.  I'm hoping and praying that something in his blood or urine tell us something, because all these tests will break us.  I'm not saying that Cole's health isn't worth it, I'm just saying that this could be the beginning of a lot of medical issues that will be searched for and unresolved, and I'm scared to go down that road...especially with a seven year old.  And I hate seeing him in pain.  
So hopefully, things will start looking up.  This week has kinda sucked and I really feel like our house being so out of order really is affecting us all.  No, the kitchen being unfinished hasn't given Syd her diarrhea, or Cole his stomach pain, or Riley her anxiety about keeping her teeth clean, but I think it's helped escalate things. I think we all feel a little misplaced right now.  So when everything is beautiful and normal, we'll all be better.  And happier.  Fingers crossed.  Stay tuned for the final chapter in my Beautiful Girls Series.