And five more...

Hello again.  It's me.  I'm currently experiencing a type of impatient insanity with our home.  Kurt, (Jeff's brother), and Jeff have started the project of tiling the kitchen and bathroom area.  And then from there, they will get to our other two bathrooms.  Right now, everything is dusty.  And stuff is in the wrong place, and the floor looks weird, and the baseboards have been pulled away from the wall.  This annoys me, and causes me great distress.  Yeah, I realize this is the process, and I realize there's really nothing else that can be done, but for me to wait it out.  But the in-between part really sucks for me.  Because I'm kind of anal about stuff.  And change, when it comes to my house, is stressful.  Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know that each and every one of you have experienced this, and your homes/living areas look amazing.  I just want to skip this part, and get to the amazing.  Didn't you all feel that way?  Plus, trying to show a house with everything being so chaotic is kinda futile.  Jeff was here with Kurt on Saturday, and some people came to look...I haven't heard any "feedback" yet, despite me constantly checking my emails.  I've become a little on the obsessed side as far as the feedback is concerned--it's like the comments on my blog.  Last weekend's guy that came and looked didn't like my entry way, because it's "unwelcoming", meaning the stairs block any view into the living room.  Basically, I like that...I like having a bit of privacy when people come over and should I choose to lie and say we're in the middle of something, they can't actually SEE that I'm lying.  It's a win-win for me.  That guy was just wack.   I'm glad I just read about it...otherwise I would have had to tell him what a douche he is, and how he doesn't know anything about anything. Speaking of douches, Kory, Jared was NOT the guy that broke up with Lora.  I'm pretty sure that was Tate.  Jared did turn into a douche, but that was a while later...and he lost all of his good looks, so Lora was right to just lose interest.   
So, I decided that I'll try to take occasional pics of my neighbors...for you, Leah.  I don't know how it will work just yet, as my neighbors to the right just got picked up for domestic violence, and the neighbors to my left we have called the police on two times in a row...for noise issues.  I mean, blaring music until 5 am?  Especially when we know you'll be revving your motorbikes at 9 am?  Come on.  Plus, their taste in music is truly atrocious--Nickelback seems to have a continual rotation.  And that should be reason enough to get the police involved.  That, and the fact that I just hate them.  On a side note, the neighbor to my left is now dating/living with ANOTHER girl from Wyoming.  And when she smokes outside, we are all treated to short-shorts and lots of cellulite and a tank top with the absence of a bra, but she yells at her kid that doesn't want to ride the bus, not a dog.  Not that my Wyoming side hasn't made that same manifestation, I just keep it INSIDE the house.  Perhaps it's because I don't smoke?  I just don't know.  
Okay, now to the part you've all been awaiting.  Rock and Roll.

 Maida just had a birthday on the 2nd.  Happy Birthday, Maida!  She's my mother-in-law.  As you all have picked up, I'm sure, it's that I've got what I'm finding is a pretty rare relationship with my in-laws:  I love them.  Seriously, how often do you hear that?  So, my mother-in-law is a pretty amazing woman.  She's raised 15 kids.  I am raising three...and sometimes I question any sanity that I have left.  And she loves each one truly and differently.  In fact, I don't know if you all know this, but I'm going to spill the beans.  Jeff is pretty much a "momma's boy".  I mean, he will call his dad with any problems we may have with the house or cars or insurance questions...but though he's quiet about it, he relies on him mom quite heavily.  He's softer when he talks about her, and she's always done and said things that let him know that even though he's not living there still, she thinks about him and she's proud of him, and he always appreciates it when she does. If you were to see the other kids, too...they all have that same love for her.  The younger ones still go over and have her baby them.  (No offense, younger ones), and Jeff would too, however, I kinda broke him of that habit years ago.  And I'm finding now that she loves it.  She's been a mom for a long time, and though she's now at that "empty nest" phase, she's still very involved in all her kids' lives.  Most of you have heard my memory of Maida.  Not that it's my only memory, but it was something that I saw as I was dating Jeff.  And it made a huge impact on me.  
I was at their house one day, waiting for Keri.  We were going to go to dinner or something, and Kelli was there, and she was having a bad day.  Now she was like, 14 or 15 at the time, and life was really unfair at that moment.  She kinda had a breakdown, and went downstairs, and I thought I would be funny and say something rude about it.  (Let me say that even at that time I remembered having similar moments of adolescent angst toward my family, as well, however, I thought that since I'd already experienced it, I had some sort of right to be bratty and tease).  So after she went downstairs, I said, "WHOA!  Did you just see that? That was the most drama I've seen since I've been here..."  Or something along those lines.  We had all been having fun, and Maida suddenly got this really stern look on her face, and said "She just needs some time to herself.  She doesn't need anyone making her feel worse about it.".  I totally felt like crap.  NOT the best light to let your future mother-in-law see you in.  However, I also respected her for putting me in my place right then.  Because even though she and Kelli had been at odds two seconds ago, I was not allowed to say anything negative about her daughter.  And that's a sign of a good mom.  I believed it with all my heart right then, and I still do.  
Since then I've totally seen Maida stand up for her kids and their families time after time.  And if there's something that I love about her, it's the fact that she gives every part of herself to ensure their happiness.  She's a wonderful woman. 

Moriah is my oldest friend. Well, not as in "Oldest living friend" or anything.  She's just the one that's stuck around for the longest, outside of family.  We were in Kindergarten together.  I remember going to play at her house frequently when I was young--sometimes with my sisters, too..as we both have two sisters that are the same age.  Moriah would want to play outside and run around--she'd want to pretend stuff.  However, she always indulged me, because she and her sisters had walkie-talkies.  And I didn't think anything was cooler, so she let me play with them, saying:  "May-day, May-day" and "10-4" over and over.  I think about that and know that she had quite a bit of patience with me, even then.  Because I had quite the ability to be annoying.  I know...surprising, right?
Moriah has always been very outspoken about things she likes, or doesn't like.  You all saw her comment on my last post, the one that said she was never a model?  It's untrue.  She was someone I always looked up to.  She has great taste in style and people and food and just...general stuff.  And yet despite my total lack of class and heavy helpings of trash, she was and is always very thoughtful toward me, just because we are friends.  As kids, everything that was important to me, she respected, and though we didn't agree on everything, she was someone that was willing to let people be who and what they needed to be.  We grew up in a predominantly Catholic town, and my being LDS, and the weirdness that was Seminary each morning, and three hours of church every Sunday, and busy each Wednesday night for mutual, well, Moriah voiced her opinion that it was "a lot of fricking time to spend at church".  However, she knew it was important to me, and she never made me feel bad about it.  In fact, she went out of her way to be kind and respectful.  A couple of times I tried to explain why it was, and she didn't demand more reasons or proof, or whatever, she just saw that I believed it, and that was good enough for her.  That's a hard thing to find, I think.  A hard thing to find today, definitely,  But really a hard thing to find in Buffalo, Wyoming, amongst teenagers, for sure.  
A lifetime of friendship is hard to narrow down to one memory.  But I have one that I think explains a lot of who Moriah is.  In April of 1998, I went to visit Moriah in Seattle.  She was going to the University of Puget Sound, and I believe it was her spring break.  She invited me up, and I went.  For a week.  The night that I got there, she and her roommates threw a party.  (She says it was in my honor, but I think the timing was just too good to be true ;) ).  Anyway, I hadn't had a chance to see her in action since high school, you know?  She was one of those people that transcended the cliques and such--she was friends with pretty much everyone.  And the one thing that I noticed is that didn't change when she went to college.  Except she DID find her mojo.  For reals.  The night of the party she introduced me to a lot of people, and every guy that I met had eyes only for Moriah.  Totally loved her.  She was wearing this lavender peasant top, and worn jeans, and her face was like it always was--clear and glowy, and she was beautiful, and she was happy, and funny and every guy there wanted her.  And I know that as she reads this she's probably thinking that I was reading too much into it, but I wasn't.  I was playing the role of the jealous high school friend, and I saw it all.  She was so grounded and confident, and I think everyone wanted a part of that.  There was a roommate she had...and I forget her name, but she was one of those pretty-pretty girls, and she was completely jealous of Moriah, as well. I remember watching her and how she'd look when she'd see Moriah talking to all their friends.  I silently cheered for her.  Because her roommate was a horrendous slut that thought the world revolved around her.  And the only person on her side was the guy that hooked up with her that night.   And he didn't really like her, either.  So, maybe that's a weird memory.  But it was kind of pivotal to me, because I saw my friend flourishing like I'd imagined myself doing a bazillion times, but fell short of.  But seeing her that way changed me.  I really tried to be the person I wanted to be...not the person that maybe I thought I had to be, because it's how I had been for so long.  Does that make sense?  I know she is someone that changed me for the better. She's honestly amazing and fearless.  She'll go places by herself, just because she wants to. (One time she just decided to go to Africa.  And then did it).  Maybe to you it doesn't sound overly huge...but for me, she is someone I completely look up to still, and I am continually working on that confidence that seems to come to her so effortlessly. 

I can honestly say that I wouldn't have made it through a lot of hardships without Muffy.  She's been here in Utah since 2000.  So, for almost ten years she's been my best friend and the sad part is, growing up, I didn't take advantage of her friendship like I should have.  I mean, I was older, and I've already explained what a rotten sister I was, so  I missed out on a lot.  I know that now.  I'm truly grateful to have been able to find out what kind of a person Muff is.  Because she's awesome in every way.  I'm a little jealous of her ability to just be fun and funny in every situation, because sometimes it seems like she's unafraid of anything.  And I have learned a lot from her.  She was always that popular girl that everyone loved.  And I kinda hated that...because I wanted to be that person, and no matter how hard I tried, I just didn't have that natural ability...I really had to work on it.  Not that I'm saying I've got it covered now, by any means, but I sometimes still wonder at how she can be so open and easy-going around everyone.  (Yes, I have a problem with jealousy.  I wish I didn't.  I wish I were more humble, and content with others being more special, having more of something, or just being better than I am, but I'm not. I kinda see it as a personal challenge, and I know that's not it--I need to focus on being content with myself and realize that everyone has their certain "something".   But sometimes it just comes down to when someone shines I want whatever it is that's allowing them to do it.  And obviously I know a lot of women that shine in a lot of different ways.  Thus, my jealousy issues.  I'm kinda working on it). 
Anyway, having Muff as a friend-as anyone that is friends with her would know-has been a huge blessing in my life. But I feel exceptionally lucky to have her as a sister.  She's fiercely loyal and no matter what, she's on my side.  Even if I'm wrong.  She'll hate whomever is mean to me, and she'll love whomever is kind to me.  And it's happened time and time again.  If there is anyone I can count on, it's Muffy.  And I can't really explain how important she is to me.  I don't really have any specific memories I can share...because the ones that stand out most are extremely personal. I know she remembers them, as she's always been there.  She's cried with me, and convinced me to do things that I never thought I could.  And she's let me be a whiny crybaby time and time again. And she's a strong person.  She's smart.  She's continually teaching herself new things, and can figure it out easily...which is something I admire because I'm that girl that just wants someone to do it for me.  If I have to put effort into something, I give up...and she willingly takes on the challenge of learning and being able to do things herself.  Jeff is like that, and I see how smart he is, and I get jealous of their intellect, too.  I have so many good things to say, so many great memories of my baby sister, but the two things that stand out most to me is how beautiful she is, and how fiercely she loves people.  Even when I was at my absolute worst she has loved me, and encouraged me.  I don't deserve her.  But I love her so very much, and I'm so lucky she's here.      

Riley and Sydney are my very favorite beautiful girls. (Yeah, alphabetically Sydney should come later, but I'm sticking my daughters together, and this is my blog, so that's a decision I can make).  I won't go on too much about the both of them, because I post about them and share memories of them quite often.  But there's no way I could fail to mention my best girls.  Riley is an old soul.  She's almost ten, but sometimes I forget this.  She's smart and funny and completely trustworthy.  Sometimes I look at her and my heart aches because she's getting so much older.  And the baby she used to be is gone--even though I still call her "Baby" quite frequently.  One day she might ask me to stop calling her that but I hope it doesn't come for a long time.  She is very patient with me.  I make a lot of mistakes as a mom, but she still tells me I'm doing great and when she tells me that there's no one else she'd ever want for a mother-because she actually does even without my coaching- it makes my heart swell.  I love her so much, and couldn't be without her.  I hope I let her know that, at least a little bit, each day.  She'll always be my first baby.  She'll always be the one that showed me what being a mom is all about.  
And Sydney is a brat.  She has just...cut out her own space in our home without asking, and somehow her space seems to grow daily, until the whole house and everything in it is hers. And in another way she just makes me want to squeeze her until she squeals her little high-pitched yell.  Am I a sadist?  Maybe sort of.  Riley and I were watching Syd once, and I noticed Riley's smile that she usually reserves for her baby sister.  I told her to stop looking at Syd like she's cute, because she's not...and Riley looked at me like she always does and said, "She IS TOO cute.  And you know it.  Mom?  Don't you just sometimes think that Syd does something so cute that you just want to...um...just want to push her?"  I certainly had not been expecting that.  I laughed and said that sometimes I feel like squeezing her, and Riley's eyes got all big as she said, "Me Too!"  Riley must be my daughter.  
I think the reason I have it out for Syd is because she's such a "daddy's girl".  She breaks my heart daily with her disses and lack of kisses.  But there is something about that baby girl that makes me do anything to see her smile.  Even spoil her rotten, and then I find myself contributing more to her bratty nature.  Her little hands with their dimply fingers simply need to touch me and I'm picking her up, and rocking her, or rubbing her little hands and massaging her neck and scratching her back.  And then when I ask for a kiss she turns away from me like I didn't just spend the last hour doing whatever SHE wanted me to do.  UGH!  BRAT.  I need some love too, you know? But when I was pregnant with Syd, I knew she'd be the stubborn one.  She was the one that continually kicked me, and stretched until I couldn't breathe, and didn't let me sleep at all.  I knew she'd be strong and healthy and sassy...and I was right.  She's the little girl that surprised me in the best way possible.  And I love her so much sometimes I want to push her.  And squeeze her.  And bite her, and pinch her.  And never let her go.  So maybe that's why she's so mean to me.  Because she knows that I have one of those personalities that are that much more attracted to someone that shows no interest.  ;)  
I have two very different girls, and each one is completely perfect.  

Well, those are my five for this week.  With all the chaos in my house, I'm finding it hard to actually have a second to sit down and type.  Which is sad, because I enjoy it when I get the chance.  Riley got braces today.  She looks cute, and I need to take a picture.  She had two permanent teeth pulled yesterday, and next Monday, she'll have two more removed.  Cole went to the doctor today because of his chronic stomach pain.  They took some blood tests and a urine test...and if they don't find anything with those, a cat scan, and throat scope, a couple of ex rays and a biopsy were mentioned.  I'm hoping and praying that something in his blood or urine tell us something, because all these tests will break us.  I'm not saying that Cole's health isn't worth it, I'm just saying that this could be the beginning of a lot of medical issues that will be searched for and unresolved, and I'm scared to go down that road...especially with a seven year old.  And I hate seeing him in pain.  
So hopefully, things will start looking up.  This week has kinda sucked and I really feel like our house being so out of order really is affecting us all.  No, the kitchen being unfinished hasn't given Syd her diarrhea, or Cole his stomach pain, or Riley her anxiety about keeping her teeth clean, but I think it's helped escalate things. I think we all feel a little misplaced right now.  So when everything is beautiful and normal, we'll all be better.  And happier.  Fingers crossed.  Stay tuned for the final chapter in my Beautiful Girls Series.