Talking the Talk.

I need to show a video of Syd and her talking skills.  I feel like I can't just brag and then not give you any proof that there is something truly happening.  So here's some.  Proof, and talking, that is.  Please ignore my voice...I wish the speakers on my phone could be changed to the side of what I'm recording because, I'm sure as you'll hear, my commentary detracts from the actual picture.  I want to remind you that at the beginning of this month, she may have said one of the animal sounds, and that's it.  So she's come a really long way. 

And there it is.  This is what's made Jeff and I and Riley and Cole really happy, and brought us tons of enjoyment, lately.  It's little, but so much to all of us.  And as I type this, she's still yapping up a storm while she plays with all the little animals.  Much of it is jabber, but there are a few "OH NO!"s, and "Wow"s, and "YEAH"s, interspersed with animal sounds.  Music to my ears.  For reals. 

Good News.

Despite my face breaking out, my PMS insanity, and getting a cold sore, life is pretty sweet.  Syd has been on a talking rampage.  RAMPAGE!  Copying everything she hears, and it's starting to sound more and more like real words.  Even to people that are NOT in the immediate family.  I have to share, because you know...it's like, the biggest relief I've felt in so long.  Maybe since Cole?  I don't know.  My baby Syd is talking.  And making eye contact, and using tiny phrases.  Is she still behind?  Yes.  But, in this last week, the words she uses has tripled.  And the two mornings we've been to group I've been told by EVERYONE how impressed they are with Syd's improvement.  Not that that's the most important thing here, but it feels really, really good. :)

I know I've been a downer about a lot of things lately.  But I had to share something fantastic.  And FYI?  This is a picture of my Squish actually SAYING cheese.  Warms my heart.  Happy weekend, all!

Something so fragile.

I kind of have an excellent husband, don't I?  And excellent kids.  I'm really grateful for my little family of five.  I can honestly say these are my most important possessions:     

Do you all remember the movie, The Christmas Story, where the dad gets his prize delivered in a box, and it reads, "Fragile", in huge black letters on the side?  And as he reads it aloud, he's so overcome from the excitement of actually winning something, he reads it as:  "FRA-GEE-LAY".  Then wonders aloud if it's French.  His wife, the realist, informs him that he misread it, and it was simply, "Fragile".  (And then when he opens it, it was that almost dirty women's stocking-ed leg lamp that I thought was so completely wonderful, only a Lava lamp would compare to such a novelty).

Anyway, whenever I hear that word, or read it, I'm inclined to first pronounce it the white-trash French way, as well....just because it's a word that means something special to me.  If I consider something fragile, it's likened to a baby, or Cole's feelings, or artwork, or things I take great pride in...and very possibly, I've created my own definition.  But to me, it's an important word.  More than just "fragile".  It's FRA-GEE-LAY.  But only in my head.  Because yeah, I know how stupid it sounds.  Hope that made some sort of sense, cause it's the prologue of my story.  

I'm sure you remember all my rants and raves, and sobs and heartaches about Sydney.  Sometimes with her life is so great.  She's fun, and she behaves as a two and a half year old should--complete with good and bad times.  Sometimes it's like my heart is being ripped from my chest--I see that she's having a hard time processing and understanding, and I'm not giving her what she needs, and I don't know if there's a way she can get it--and if there is, what can I do for her?  Sometimes even when you've made the decision to seek out helpful resources, it's still such a huge ordeal to figure out what's right for your needs.  Or, right for Sydney's needs, I guess. 

 So lately I've been pretty quiet about everything on the Syd front.  I think this is because when people would ask, it was always more of the same.  She's been doing her thing, and just getting by.  Which is fine...it's just not that interesting.  And, if I would dwell on it, it would be kind of depressing, because I really hoped there would be a huge change.  Like Magic.  I'm aware of how dumb that sounds, but if I'm honest, I hope for a lot of dumb things.  And I won't apologize for them, if they're for my kiddos.  
I guess I could have Syd diagnosed.  What that exactly means, I haven't a clue.  All I know, is that I've avoided it.  I have been told she's "on the spectrum".  What that means, I'm not too sure, either.  But I know it's the Autism spectrum.  Now, how high or low or whatever she is, I've refused to find out just yet.  I know that Cole was evaluated on his 3rd birthday, because that's when Kids Who Count stops service.  (And, to my great relief, he was completely fine--he didn't pass for any extended help, and it was the best "non passing" news I've ever received). From three years up, there are quite a few other options available, and they'll help you choose the one that's supposedly right for your child and the needs they have. I'm not surprised she's on the spectrum, actually.  I believe I'm on the spectrum.  I'm pretty sure Jeff is, as well.  
When I take her to her group therapy, where we have play time, and group time, and a craft, and a snack, I talk to the other moms there that are in the same boat as me.  Some have had their children diagnosed, and some haven't.  Those of us that have chosen not to go through with the diagnosis just yet, are just kind of clinging to the hope that maybe it's NOT something that will be permanent, or long term.  Maybe our kids are just a little behind, and they'll get it when they're good and ready.  The other moms are in full swing with their counteractions to their child being diagnosed with Autism, Aspergers,  selective mute-ism, etc. And I applaud their courage.  Because I'm not there, just yet.  We are all scared that we are going to find out our worst fear.  We show up with smiles, and are honestly so excited for each other when we mention victories our babies have during the week.  But if asked, or if we just listen to each other, our fears are all the same.  Does our child have disabilities?  How will we deal with this possibility?  We love them so much, that isn't a question, but their three year old birthday is coming very quickly...and there are still so many more improvements to be made.  
See?  This is why I stay quiet.  Because it's just too much...too depressing?  Too scary. Way too fragile.
But I need to mention Syd's progress lately.  Regardless of how fragile this hope I have has become, she's grown by leaps and bounds.  She's saying phrases like; "Oh Man!", and copying sentences and words like crazy.  She has been saying, (with coaching), "I M booceeule.  (I am beautiful).  And she knows she's saying that she's beautiful.  Today she answered the question, "Do you want something to drink"?, with an audible, "yes".  Little, fragile things, but so important.  So taken for granted, usually, but so important.   I needed to mention this.  Because I've kept it really close to my heart for the last week, and I'm just getting brave enough to start to hope again that all will be well.  And I want to clarify that if I am to be told that Syd does have disabilities, and  that it will be a lifelong task for both her and myself, I will be content with it.  If that's what happens, then it happens, and my little Squid is still my Squid.  She has a special place in my heart that belongs only to her, and always will.  I hope I haven't made anyone think I won't allow it, or I won't adapt to learning and being what she needs me to be.   I think it's important to know the feelings and heartache, though, of the possibility of your child being different.  Of Being misunderstood, or being judged. I have to say that despite how it's torn me up, I'm thankful for this experience, because it's helped me to understand some things I was really ignorant about, before.  And if I've ever been dumb, (which happens regularly), and said something asinine or hurtful, (which is also how I roll), I apologize. I honestly apologize a million times over.  Because it's not easy.  Not any of it.  And because our love for our children is ferocious.  And fragile at the same time.  

Hope your week is filled with treasures.  Enjoy the little things.  And be so grateful. 

Happy Mothers Day 2011 [by Jeff]

This picture has already been posted but I absolutely love it!
She looks so freakin cute!

In honor of mothers day I interviewed Riley and Cole separately (and on one occasion Sydney chimed in with an answer) with a series of questions about their wonderful mom.

1. What's your favorite thing about your mom?
Riley: She cares about me.
Cole: How she's nice, she loves me, she's a very great person... she sometimes trusts me.

2. What's your favorite thing to do with mom?
Riley: Go shopping with her. Because we both LOVE to do that!
Cole: Going to the store and sitting in the car eating.

3. What is mom's best feature?
Riley: Her eyes, because they're soft.
Cole: Her eyes. I like it how her eyes sometimes change color.

4. How would you describe mom to someone who had never met her?
Riley: She has really long dark brown hair with orange highlights, she's skinny and has big blue eyes.
Cole: She has black hair and green eyes. She sometimes wears a purple shirt... I like that purple shirt. She likes Hot Tubs and she's really nice
Sydney: Doof. (that was her one word answer and the only description I'd need)

5. If you were trapped in a burning car and mom was the only one there what would she do?
Riley: She would maybe try to get firefighters... but that would take too long. Maybe she'd pry the doors open with a big metal bar or break the windows.
Cole: She would try to break me out of the car, maybe there would be some tools lying on the ground she could use to break me out.

6. If mom was being attacked by a bear how would you help her?
Riley: I would get something sharp and stab the bear right in the head so it would never attack anyone again!
Cole: I would run back to the house, get a shrink ray and a cage then I would shrink the bear, put it in the cage and keep it as a pet.

7. If mom were cloned how would you know which one was the real mom?
Riley: I'd ask them questions about mom to find out which one was really my mom... that's what they do in the movies, right?
Cole: On allowance day I'd ask "which one of you will take me to the store?" The real mom would say "me!"

8. If you found out mom was a robot, how would you react?
Riley: I'd be very sad, because I want a real mom.
Cole: I'd be really freaked out! I'd run out the door because she might have laser vision!

9. What is mom's favorite thing to do?
Riley: Shop!
Cole: She likes to go on vacation, she likes to sleep and she likes to watch movies with dad.

10. What is mom's least favorite thing to do?
Riley: Go bowling
Cole: She doesn't like to get hurt... Oh! This makes mom really mad! When another car slips in front of her without waiting and mom says "Seriously lady!". She hates that.

Now that I'm writing this I thought it would be nice if I answered my own questions, so here goes:

1. My favorite thing about Rainey is how fun and exciting she makes life, while at the same time respecting my need for routine. Not an easy thing to do, but she does it beautifully.

2. My favorite thing to do with Rainey is not appropriate for posting here. I'll leave it at that.

3. Rainey's best feature, I would have to agree, is her eyes. Among so many other great features (also probably not appropriate) her eyes have a light in them that can make you feel like the world is full of wonderful things and you want to be a part of it all.

4. I'd say "She's a hot, rockin babe that probably blew past you leaving your life feeling a little more empty without her in it."

5. If I were trapped in a burning car I'd probably have to find my own way out as Rainey tends to freeze up in those kind of situations.

6. If Rainey was being attacked by a bear she would probably pretend to be dead (I know that's the acceptable reaction to a bear attack, but that's her go to move in all situations) so it would probably leave her alone and go after me, in which case I'd have to wrestle the bear into submission with my bare hands.

7. If Rainey were cloned we'd probably go bankrupt... but it would be a sweet, wild ride until then.

8. If I found out Rainey was a robot then she probably could have torn the door off the car and saved me, crushed the bears windpipe and cloning her would probably be a lot easier.

9. Rainey's favorite thing to do (I hope) is another inappropriate thing to post.

10. Her least favorite thing to do... she really does hate bowling... and miniature golf.

Happy mothers day to all the mothers out there. Hopefully you are all being treated like you should every day but especially today. A special happy mothers day to my mom (who is probably having her worst mothers day ever) I love you mom and hope you feel better soon.