The End of July

What up, all.  
We are now in the last days of July.  Next week I have to register Riley and Cole for school.  FOR SCHOOL.  For their entire next YEAR.  Does anyone know where this last three months have gone?  I'm missing them.  I was asked to today, "what have you done this entire summer?"  And I started, and finished with, "We went to Las Vegas in June..." And then what?  Nothing, really.  I mean, we have managed to cut some trees down, and keep the lawns mowed, and get Syd to most of her classes, and then...not much else.  But, I have to say, we've enjoyed our while of massive laziness.  I surely have.  I mean, other than the despising myself for being so lazy that happens, undoubtedly a week out of each month, I've really enjoyed it.  
And I want to thank the solidarity from those of you that commented on the occasional banality of motherhood.  It's reassuring to me that sometimes I'm normal.  But I think normality is just so foreign to me that it feels like I'm nuts.  I don't know.  I'm working through it.  

Riley got her braces off last week.  Tomorrow we go in to get her retainers.  And then begins her life as a braces-free preteen.  I'm excited about her starting school without them.  She looks so much older to me...

See?  She'll be starting sixth grade.  I can't even believe I have a kid this old...I don't feel this old. The other day I was telling Jeff about how I find myself wondering how I ended up here, about how I got so old so...quickly.  I told him that most of the time I feel like Riley and I could be sisters, instead of Mom and Daughter.  He laughed in my face.  Totally not one to blow smoke up anyone's behind, he let me know how much I could NOT pass for Riley's sister.  But that's okay.  Because I have a tendency to see myself perpetually 25.  Yeah, yeah.  Be nice to me, I have had way too much personal revelation, lately. 
But about Riley--she's happy.  She likes the way she looks and this isn't surprising to me, as I believe she's beautiful.  But I'm so grateful that she's happy with who she is.  I can remember myself in sixth grade, and it was really hard.  I didn't think a lot of myself.  But she does.  And to me, that's most important...and I pray that she continues to feel that way.  I'm proud of who she is.  And I hope that I can be who she needs me to be, for her. She and I have been able to have all these long conversations.  We sit down, do our nails, and have shared opinions about different things.  And speaking of doing nails, I'm pretty proud of myself.  I mean, can you believe it?  So. Fun.   

  

I'm still not able to run a 5K.  But I'm at two and a half miles.  So things are looking up.  I'm feeling better about myself, and getting back to actually starting to enjoy it.  Which is surprising me, immensely.  That very well may change in the next couple of days, because sometimes I look forward to jogging, and then other times I don't.  But I'll do it when I'm feeling it, and not push myself when I don't.  Is that a system, or what? Enough about me...I just had to share that. 

Okay, I should probably get to bed now.  It's 3:00 am, and I can't really be held responsible for the things I say and think during this time frame. They're usually demented, and scary...so it's best for everyone that I shut it and get some shut eye.  But I'll try to get better about posting now that summer is almost over.  Cause that's how I roll.  

Before I go, I need to post a couple pictures, just so I'm allowed to put them on Pinterest.  If you're on it, and you see me, add me.  I'm having so much fun looking at pictures of stuff I will never ever get to have/or could never ever have had the talent to do myself.  It sounds somewhat depressing, but I'm totally addicted.

Syd Stuff.

Okay, not only Syd stuff, but partially.  As far as Syd goes, I guess it's come down to this:  I used to worry about her most of the time.  Occasionally there would be situations where I'd feel relieved and see something where I'd know that things were going to be okay.  Maybe not ALL okay, but not all wrong, either.  The entire Syd situation has turned around.  Now occasionally I'll see something that makes me feel like she needs her Kids Who Count classes twice a week.  But mostly, she's caught up.  Well, maybe not around everyone...she still thinks it's her call whether or not to engage when others are around, but here, with us, she's found her place.  And it kind of trumps all of ours.  But it's okay.  

I knew I'd be relieved if she started catching up, but I didn't realize how happy I would be, and how happy it would make her, as well.  It just seems like we connect so much easier, and she's not as frustrated as she always seemed to be.  Yes, she's still bratty.  But she communicates so well, and she isn't so completely angry about her inability to make me understand her; leaving her in a sobbing heap.  Or me in tears because I was just not getting it.  No matter what she did.  
And for a while we experienced that in-between phase where she would talk, but no one could understand anything she said unless they lived with her, and had heard it before.  Now she is thanking strangers, saying goodbye and hello, making eye contact, showing interest in playing with me and Jeff and Riley and Cole, saying the kids names, saying her name...things that she should have been doing a long time ago, but in these past two months, her progress has been amazing.  In fact, I was told two weeks ago that by the time she goes into kindergarten, there will be no sign of her being behind.  

I'm very grateful.  Things have been happening in my life that haven't been overly great.  (Kind of makes me avoid blogging and such). But this isn't one of them. This is my silver lining.  I guess sometimes you just need a win, you know?  And we are so taking it.  
In other news, I'm kind of sad that summer is halfway over.  Normally I dislike summer, as I've said a bazillion times.  But this year has been different.  I think it's the new house--our backyard has trees and shade, and green grass.  And not one drunken whore yelling into her phone and blowing smoke into our windows. (Well, that I know of).  
So the kids can go outside and jump and swing, and use sidewalk chalk, and do things that I really, really wanted them to be able to do, but basically couldn't because it was way too hot and dusty in Springville.  And nothing against Springville, because I liked it there...just not my neighbors or our backyard.  Plus I've heard from so many people that "there hasn't been any summer!", so, maybe that's another reason I'm enjoying it.  
I will say this:  I've been a lazy, terrible mother.  Not that this is news to most of you, sometimes I am just more than a little disgusted with my daily schedule.  My question is...does everyone have this same experience?  Mothers, I mean?  I do the same things every day.  EVERY DAY.  Sometimes twice or three times.  And after a while, I think that I would be so much more productive if I worked--outside the home, I mean.  That maybe there would be some sort of evidence that I do something now and then.  This is me being a sad sack, but I do have these feelings. 
Anyway, I'm trying to take matters into my own hands.  I've started jogging again, so that's actually been good.  You can never tell physically, but I do notice that there aren't as many nonsensical thoughts pinging around in my brain.  I guess not as many that scare me, anyway.  I do have to say that I started up after our vacation.  I was blissfully lazy for the better part of a year.  And then I saw pictures of my friend that recently had a baby, and then had picked up running again.  She was tiny, and I was engorged on donuts from Krispy Kreme runs each night while staying in Circus Circus.  So I thought about it, and told myself that I needed to make some changes.  And I did...and I almost died.  In fact, in working up to two miles I'd come home reeking of B.O. and having little flies embedded in the sweat that covered my face.  So thanks for that, Leah.
It's better, now.  I can't run a 5K just yet, but maybe in a month or so?  I don't know.  I guess as long as I'm doing something.  Anyway, I'll post again, soon.  It's late, and I need to figure out this Pinterest thing on my phone.  Yet another way to waste time, but I want to find ways to showcase Jeff's artwork in a different light...so maybe this will be it.  Later gators.