Body by Cole

I thought I would just tell you a little about what goes on in our day to day here. While Riley is at school, Cole and I waste time just hanging out, and I learn a lot from my son. He has an opinion on everything, and most of the time, it's pretty entertaining to me. If it's not entertaining to you, no offense taken...
So for those of you that care, Cole has made some bodily discoveries lately that I find humorous. But first let me kind of set the scene. The poor boy has been so sick. Last night he was feverish and out of it. He came into my room about 1:00AM and was saying, "oh dear, oh dear....oh dear, oh dear." He and Riley both sleep walk and have a tendency to freak me out while doing this, because they can not be coaxed into coming out of wherever they are, it's just better to put them back in bed, give them a kiss and walk away. Even if they talk to you they aren't talking to YOU...so just walk and let them drift back to wherever they are. Anyway, when he's feeling this way, Cole makes discoveries that he likes to tell me about--usually four or five decibels above the normal talking range, as his nose is so stuffed he can't hear anything unless you or he shouts it. Today I was reading if anyone had commented on my previous blog posts...(Thanks to Moriah and Amy and Brandi and Kory and Kass. That's right, I have no shame), and I hear the, "Mom! I need some wipes!" Now, as a sick woman anyway, this is so not my favorite thing to hear. I love my son, but there's only so much I can take. So instead of getting off my butt and going right away to get some wipes, I counter with, "There are wipes right behind you, Cole. Look on the back of the toilet". He proceeds to tell me that those are all gone, which totally warns me that this situation is already out of control...if there is one thing I try to keep up with, it's the stuff you need while on the toilet; being in stock. It's just a good idea, especially when kids are involved. So I get up and get the wipes from my bathroom, take a deep breath, hold it, and give him the package...I also notice complete and utter grossness in the can and he proceeds to tell me what is obvious: "I gots the diarrheas." I manage a "sorry honey" and try to get out of there before I add my own grossness all over the hallway.
So after I have MADE SURE that he had washed his hands and flushed, I told him that maybe he should take a bath, and after a light argument, he got into the tub. Cole likes to talk non-stop, for those of you that don't see him that often. The entire time the water is running he's talking about things that are on his mind. Mind you, even though he keeps the door open to the bathroom so it's not "scary" and he's not alone in the bathroom, I have to stay on my bed where I can't see his nakedness. He's very particular about this. Not that I want to see, I just find it a little inconvenient sometimes because though he doesn't want me to see his body, I need to make occasional EYE contact only, to let him know that I'm listening to him. Yes, it's a slippery slope at times. Basically, I was looking online at my bank account stuff, when Cole says, "Mom! Are you listening to my stories?" I apologized, and asked him to repeat what he had said. So He goes on, telling me, "I said, I was going pee out my butt today". I stopped typing, and tried not to laugh as I asked, "Oh you were?" He went on: "yeah, cause when I got diarrheas, I pee out my butt and it sounds like, 'psssssss', deep breath, 'psssss'. And then some poop goes out and it sounds like, 'psssss, bloop, bloop-bloop, psssss'. Cause that's what diarrheas sounds like, Mom. Yep, I know that's what it sounds like." I just kind of stopped and stared at him, digesting that my son just schooled me in what having the runs both sounds and feels like. I wondered what I could say next, when he yelled, "You can't look at me when I'm naked!"
I told him I wasn't staring and that he needed to wash his body--but use the washcloth on his face, first.
After he got out of the bath, I had to do my expected job of going to get his underwear and clothes and putting them on the lid of the toilet, because I can't just hand him that stuff when his hands are all "crinkly". While he dressed himself he continued to educate me on various bodily functions. "Mom, when I'm kinda stuffy I get lots of boogers." I agreed to that statement, and listened to him as he continued to fill me in on where he gets boogers. "Yeah, I get boogers in my nose, and sometimes on my chin, and in my eyes, and sometimes on my cheeks...." I told him that's why I made him take a bath. "Mom! I can just pick those goobers off like this". And I watched as he picked imaginary boogers off his face. "Or sometimes I just frow 'em on the floor." That's when I had to stop him. His detail was just a little too perfect for my lurpy stomach to endure anymore of his stories.
Anyway, this is what I deal with when I've got sick kids...and why I complain so much when they aren't feeling well. There's so much more cleaning and disinfecting, and now the horror of boogers being flung about at any given time on my carpet. So there you go. Now you have a little insight about what goes on in our home on a day to day basis....and probably will never set foot in it again. In this case, I can totally understand.