Where is my mind?

Hey all.  

(You like Sydney's Hitler mustache?  She took an honest nose-dive off my bed the other day.  This is what I get for threatening to punch her in the nose in front of other people.  I'm waiting for someone to come and take my children away from me).
You know it's my favorite time of year.  My FAV.O.RITE.  But it's been a little off for me, unfortunately.  I've been crazy busy.  So busy I've seriously flaked on so many things...and it makes me feel pretty rotten...and kinda scares me that I'm losing my mind.  As in, honestly losing stuff that I've previously had no problems remembering.  Like, for years.  And now, I wake up and remember something randomly, that took place LAST WEEK.  I even have it on my calendar.  Is it brain damage?  That's all I can come up with. I honestly have no excuses.  I just hope that those of you that have been on the receiving end of it will forgive me, eventually.  
Unfortunately, being forgetful hasn't been the only symptom I've been having.  I've also been flat-out obnoxious.  At Syd's class last week, I couldn't stand myself.  Things kept coming out of my mouth--things NO ONE wanted to hear, things that I had no right saying, and things that were just full of self-superiority that I honestly don't have.  But for some reason, I thought I did that day.  And even as I was talking my inner me was screaming to "Shut Up!"  But I just kept saying things that were digging me deeper in this hole of crap I couldn't seem to get out of.  And then?  And then I went home and stressed about it all day.  And stayed awake hating myself all night.  And was tired and grouchy the entire week.  
I don't know.  I just hope it goes away.  I'm thinking that maybe it was residual stress/sadness/anxiety of Dad's death.  Maybe?  And on that note, I really thought that I was getting over being down on Dad's day of passing.  But Friday was...really hard.  In fact, I had that same pressing sickness in my chest, that being on the verge of tears, that helplessness, that no one could fix that happened two years ago.  Muff and I have kind of made a standing appointment to go out that day.  And we did on Friday, and I believe it helped.  Somehow just being with her made me happier, made me feel understood and that I didn't have to explain why I've been "off."  Made me feel like it was okay...helped me remember what it was like when he was here, when we were young, and when things were good.  Cause there were good times.  Times that I felt loved.  I know that Lora and Jess would have loved to have been with us.  Maybe Jayson and Shelly, as well.  But life takes us different places, and that's how it goes.  They were missed though.  And thought about.  
I came home and felt more peaceful.  And tired.  Like I could have slept for two weeks.  
Anyway, I hope that now I can get to appreciating this time of year.  Because I honestly love it.  And it really does make me happy.  So I'm going to focus on that.  I'm going to be better for Jeff, for the kids, and for me.  And for those of you that I've slighted, I'm truly sorry.  I'm trying to get it together. 
Hopefully everyone's week will be a good one.  Fingers crossed.