After my last post, I'm hesitant to do this again. I'm still a bit gun-shy because of, you know, admitting all my failures as a mother and such. But, it felt good to get out. I am a crap mom sometimes...more often than not, lately. But, as I had mentioned before, I have been having particularly bad days. Today was good. (Even though I slept a bit more than I should have, but I feel justified because it's a holiday). Anyway, I was feeling bad because of my long nap, until Jeff told me what Cole had told him. He said, "It's good to have days like these". I don't know what was most enjoyable. Watching a movie? Jumping on the trampoline? Going outside? Playing inside? I'm completely at a loss, but there is one thing that I'm sure of. I have great kids. I love that they are so patient with me, and try to understand why their mother is a total drag right now. Even though I seem to be MIA, they are still confident that I love them, and to me, that's most important. So these next few months may not be that bad.
Oh, and thanks, Brandi and Moriah, for your comments. I was worried that I'd find child services at my doorstep this morning. Although deserved, I was really glad I didn't.
5 years ago
5 comments:
Your a great mom believe me there are days that as soon as Lukas wakes up (around six) that I just want to go right back to bed. I admit that I usually turn Sesamee Street on and lay on the couch. He use to actually let me rest there but now he just hits me and climbs on me.
I specifically remember as a kid that when my mom was taking a nap upstairs i was to be really quiet and really good. i always had fun watching a movie or playing with my toys and i honestly just knew that my mom got really tired during the days. i never thought of it as a negative thing, that's what's so great about kids, they just aren't trained to think that way... yet. :0)
I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. I've struggled with depression also. One trick I've learned is that it's all about decisions. When I feel crappy, I make decission that make me feel worse, like sitting around and playing solitaire for hours. If I can catch it, I can make decisions that I don't want to do but are positive things for me, like getting stuff done. It's not a fix, but it gets me going in the right direction.
The dark hole of depression. Sucky. But just think...soon enough it will be over and really, like the other people have said, Cole probably really doesn't even realize there's anything amiss. Kids are cool like that.
Ooops. That Jason comment was me. Moriah
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