Okay, most of you that read my blog have a signifigant other. So I feel that you have a clue as to what I feel for Jeff. He's my best friend, he's my confidant. Also, he's a lot of other things that I won't mention, because that's just something you don't write for all relatives/friends to read about. Anyhoo, I wanted to know what your opinions are on this.
I had an event in my life where I was "sworn to secrecy". Now, the person that did it may or may not ever feel that he or she can ever trust me again, but I have to put this out there....I acted in ignorance, apparently. Or Not?
So, despite that I took the oath that I WOULD NOT TELL ANYONE, I told this secret to Jeff. In all honesty, I didn't think that for a second, this would be wrong. Yeah, occasionally I start stories around certain people with, "Don't tell Jeff this, but....", for the most part though, if it did made it back to Jeff, somehow, I wouldn't be overly surprised.
Bah, now I'm all over the place. But I had to get you to see that I'm not just completely untrustworthy, just questioning what the definition of that truly is. Does that even make sense?
I told Jeff because of the reasons I have listed before, and the fact that except for when I'm pregnant, I just feel like he's a more manly extension of me. (Pregnancy changes this for obvious reasons, and those of you that have seen me lately, will know what I'm talking about). But when I talked to him about not telling anyone else, he asked me why, and I told him, "because it was a secret". So then he says, "So why did you tell me?"
Why indeed. This is where my whole theory is questioned. He then proceeds to tell me that he's been sworn to secrecy about something for the past two weeks, and hasn't told me, so.... And just like that, I am PISSED.
For those of you that know Jeff, you should also know that this turn of events would be completely opposite if the tables were turned. If I admitted that I'd been keeping a secret from him, not only would he be hurt that I didn't tell him, but he would not be above implementing various forms of torture on me, to get the entire story...no matter how small, or unimportant. So for those of you that wait with baited breath, wondering whether or not I got the full scoop, I did. I simply reminded him of what he'd do if I had merely said the same words to him. (And, for the record, it wasn't that interesting). My point is, though, don't other couples do this? I guess I just figured that's the way it is....Jeff is my link to the "outside" world. "Outside", in it's simplest form meaning, "Not Entirely About Riley and Cole, and What I Did at The House All Day". So if I've got something to talk about, something I thought was funny, or something that I heard, or some sort of idea that may have just popped in and then popped out, further supporting my hypothesis of mental instability, I'm going to tell him about it. I know Jeff, and I know that he's not going to tell everyone as soon as I'm out of earshot...but someone please, is my view of this completely skewed?
So I just need to know how OTHER couples do this. Do you keep stuff from your spouse? Just little or big stuff? (Note: This doesn't include stuff that you forget to tell your spouse, or stuff so trivial that you just don't think about it again until something that triggers your memory....I mean, SECRETS). Am I just a whiny, insecure baby that thinks if Jeff keeps anything from me, that something is "off" with us? Now that I write that, I see how lame that makes me, but...it's the way I feel. Cole actually came down to get a water bottle for bed, and overheard me asking Jeff why he would keep a secret from me? And didn't say anything about what we were talking about, just took his water and went back to his and Riley's room.
The next night, however, Kelli and Kyle watched the kids while Jeff and I went to Dark Knight....(we hadn't been to a movie together since our anniversary in January, so thanks Kelli and Kyle for making that possible). When we got home, Kelli told me that Cole had said something weird to her, and with Cole, this is not only totally possible, but expected, so I asked her what is was. She said that he came up to her and said, "Do you keep secrets from Kyle?" I kind laughed and told her our entire ordeal...(BUT NOT THE SECRETS)!
So this is my question for you all: "Do you keep secrets from: (Insert signifigant other here)?
5 years ago
14 comments:
No... but more importantly I would kill Tor if he kept a secret from me. He tried that-- once. His best friend swore him to secrecy about something or other. I had to explain to him that I feel very strongly that marriage is a partnership and any secret, no matter how trivial it may seem (aside from presents and such) can undermine that partnership. Besides, I'm super nosy. I told him that he needed to explain to his friends that telling him a secret meant telling me a secret, and they needed to deal. Add to that the fact that I am very trustworthy and usually remember its supposed to be a secret far longer than Tor does, and it actually works out better for everyone involved. If that makes me sound like a whiny insecure baby, so be it.
Not unless specifically begged not to, and sometimes even then. I suck at keeping secrets, so telling Kyle helps me tame the desire to tell the whole world. But I know he keeps secrets from me..
Well it depends. If a good friend says to me don't tell anyone not even Dan I probably won't tell because really if she/he isn't Dans friend then it probably isn't a big deal that he doesn't know.I don't keep secrets about myself too him and I expect him to not as well. I don't think that is good in a relationship. If a friend at work tells Dan something in confidence and he doesn't tell me I am fine with that. They are friends and have that right. I hope that friend shared that secret with his spouse or significant other. If Dan tells a secret too someone else I hope he told me that secret because that involves him and me. Does this make any sense? It does too me but it might not to others. However, he better not come to me and say I have a secret and I am not telling because I am nosy and it would bother me. Just keep it to yourself.
I 100% feel ya!! I cannot keep anything, even something so small from Jerome, it eats at me until i tell him. Even if i had a dumb dream where i kissed someone else i feel so guilty inside until i tell him I'm sorry. Jerome doesn't remember gossip long enough to tell me, he's boring that way. I would kill him if he didn't tell me anything he learned and didn't forget. I expect a 2-way street of information between couples. I really think Jeff should just spill it...
I definitely do not keep a secret from Jason, and I would really question why someone would want me to. Of course I will tell him! If I know, he knows. That's how it works. I guess if that person REALLY had a valid reason and did not want him to know, they should have said something...it is an unwritten rule that the other part of the couple always gets the secret. Secrets are very important to keep quiet, and if I had one I would certainly trust that my friend I confided in wouldn't let on, except to their significant other. You are right.
I am of the opinion that married people are individuals, and don't have to share everything. I usually try and think about how the person would feel if I told Vic their secret, sometimes I tell and sometimes I don't. More often I do tell, but sometimes women tell each other things in confidence that they don't want their friends spouses to know about, just because it's embarrassing, not harmful. I take it on a case by case basis.
I keep stuff from Kelli if it's a secret. Not if it's an IMPORTANT secret. Like one that would harm her... i.e. "Kyle, the city's water supply is POISONED.... but lets keep that under your hat, mmmkay?" But stuff that's important to that person but wouldn't be anything other than an item of interest to someone else should be kept a secret if they want it to be. Kelli keeps alot of her professional stuff (Family Services and therapy stuff) secret from me for the same reason. And even though it drives me nuts not knowing sometimes (and I know for a fact other people that work with her tell anyone anything about their cases) I respect it. But that's just me. And I'm insanely private about most things.
For the most part when someone tells me something, and they want me to keep it from Kory, they will say, don't tell or you can tell Kory...But I understand certain things not beeing everyones business, but it Knows that if he tells me he has a secret he better tell me. I am fine with him keeping other peoples business to him self, as long as he doesn't tell me he has one in the first place, cause that is just mean. When someone tells me a secret, I usually ask them first if I can share that with Kory, but to be honest, people don't share secrets with me. And I don't share gossip with him for the most part because he just doesn't care. Does that make sense? But I think it was rude for jeff to say I have a secret and not spill. Thats just cruel.
Secrets are secrets. If people tell me secrets or even private information, I keep it to myself. If someone says don't tell anyone, that means ever. I have people's secrets from second grade I haven't told anyone yet. I want people to know it ends with me. Unless, like Kyle said, it's harmful information.
I have to agree with Kory. Matt doesn't really want to know about anyone else anyway. He gets burdoned by too much information.
Matt says; "I would never agree to keep the secret, cause it may be too juicy and you'll have to tell everyone."
I agree with Matt - I would never agree not to tell Dusty - he knows everything about my life except for secret Birthday presents-that has to be guarded not matter what ;)
I am going to have to break my blogger silence to tell a little of my side of this. Like Kyle I am an extremely private person. While I would like to think that when I tell someone something private it stops there, I know better. This is part of the reason I tell nothing to everyone. However I live by the philosophy of treat others how you expect to be treated, thus, like Kory said, I take the responsibility of "a secrets stops with me". In THIS case I was just teasing Rainey, telling her I had a secret and then refusing to spill it. I guess my point is that I always assume that anything I say will be told to spouses and then possible to others and so on. So I find myself in the situation of not sharing anything with anybody that I don't want EVERYONE to know.
I usually tell Bob secrets unless I think it will upset him or if someone specifically says don't tell Dad.
Maida
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