Eleven Years.

K.  It's Early.  Or late.  Whatever.  But today, in a few hours, Jeff and I will have been married for eleven years.  I've been pregnant and given birth three times, we've lived in two different places, Jeff has had four jobs.  Our lives have changed a bazillion ways.  And there have been some really hard times.  It sounds weird saying that now, because our lives are going so blessedly well.  But there were times when I didn't know what we were doing--if we'd make it. Not just Jeff and I, but our whole family.  Would we ever get to a point where we could feel like we weren't drowning, financially?  Would we ever feel like adults...people that could take care of ourselves and our little ones? I remember times of feeling helpless and scared--of questioning what it was exactly that I thought I was doing.  
When Jeff and I were first married, life was different, as I've assumed by now it always must be.  We were two different people from very different families that quickly decided to become a team, together.  Getting through those times of figuring out what we would do about situations, and opinions, and personal beliefs was pretty difficult, and I imagine that stuff would be VERY difficult if the two people were really convinced that one or the other's way of life was the "right" way.  It took Jeff and I a long time, and some confusing moments to figure out what our stance was on everything important.  Sometimes we agreed, and sometimes we didn't....but we learned that by respecting each other, by having the outlook of being best friends and individuals, we circumvented a lot of pitfalls.  

A lot sooner than expected, we found that we were going to have Riley.  And she's been with us almost as long as Jeff and I have been together.  I remember my first initial reaction to knowing Jeff and I were going to be parents.  And it wasn't overly thrilled.  I'm ashamed to say that, now....because I've gotten older, and I've seen that baring children isn't something all of us get to do when we feel like we are ready.  That breaks my heart, because my children bring me so much joy, but I also have seen that so many of us are needed in different ways.  That it may not seem fair or make much sense, but if there is one thing that I've had to learn in my marriage, and in my life it's that for some reason, everything isn't up to me.  There are choices that I make time and time again, that never work out....and then, maybe they do, but not when I expect them to.  Call it what you will, God, Karma, Fate, I choose the first, but I feel like I've been taught a lot of things.  I'm grateful for that.  This keeps me thankful for the victories, even when they were something I initially didn't think I wanted. And faithful that good things happen to good people.

Anyway, enough about me.  This is mainly about Jeff.  And Riley, and Cole, and Syd.  These past 11 years have gone by so quickly.  My oldest is almost 10.  This was really inconceivable about nine years ago.  Jeff has seen me at my worst.  Lived with me, at my worst.   And he's still here.  He's helped me turn into a parent.  He's supported me and our babies.  He constantly amazes me with how gifted a father he is...how my children love him and want to be near him, always.  How if I, or the kids, or anyone need something, all they have to do is ask, and he'll make time for everyone.  He lets us know that we are most important...and I'm high-maintenance enough that this is a huge factor of our relationship enduring. There are so many things that Jeff does for me each day, everyday, that a lot of the time I take them for granted.   I forget to thank him for the work, the love, the support, the advice, the listening ear...he's everything to me and for me.   Thank you, My Love.  There's no one else that could give me everything...but you do, and you always have.

I hope you'll excuse my randomness, as I'm tired and excited, and a bit overwhelmed by the good things in my life right now.  But know this:  If the next 11 years are anything like these past ones, and I can share them with these people?  I'm in.  And very happy about it.