What?

So these are some phrases you will hear in our home at any given moment.

1. "COLE, TURN OFF YOUR LIGHT!" (This will be said at least a bazillion times).

2. "HANNAH MONTANA IS IN THE ZONE!" (Cole has never seen Hannah Montana, however, he somehow picked this up to be yelled when he has some sort of triumph, or we are grocery shopping).

3. "YOU LOSED!" (Cole's way of telling you that you most certainly did NOT win, or telling you that he's the winner, and you're the "losed").

4. "E-Babel." (This is Riley's way of saying, "be able", and I find it too adorable to correct).

5. " _(Enter some type of food or drink, here)__ going down rough, going down rough!" (Cole will use this with anything from Gatorade, to Top Ramen. Like most things he says, he has no idea what it means, but he knows how to use it).

6. "I'm gonna 'fro up." (Most of you know where this originates from).

7. "I'm gonna punch you in the butt..." (I say that I will punch my kids in the face--because I'm trashy like that. My children have put their own twist on it).

8. "It's just a joke." (This is when Cole or Riley say something to Jeff and I or each other, that may have been somewhat rude, or uncomplimentary).

9. "Can we jump?" (The kids will say this a million times during the day, and if I say no, they whine, and I'm the meanest mom, ever. If I say yes, just to show them that it's 98 degrees outside, and this is why I originally said no, then I'm the meanest mom ever. It's an endless cycle).

10. "I'm bored." (I finally get why this is an annoying statement).

11. "Cole didn't say he was sorry." (Riley is very adamant about Cole apologizing for EVERYTHING. I'm not too overly adverse to a guy picking up on this habit).

12. "I don't want to hear that." (Riley is very adamant about what she is comfortable with--especially when it comes to someone else saying dumb things).

13. "BALLS!" (I'm a great example to my children...but this is my favorite word right now).

14. "Don't look at me." (Riley's way to get rid of Cole).

15. "Did you hear me singing?" (Riley's and Cole's way of sharing their lovely voices with everyone while at the same time, being covert about it).

16. "Riley won't stop singing!" (Cole's opinion of Riley's singing isn't the highest. He usually resorts to tears, while Riley gets progressively louder).

17. "Whatever you're doing to Cole, do it to me." (We are all about equality...and if not, we are told about it).

18. "Cause Jesus does that." (This is Cole's way of explaining his awesomeness. This is the reason why he's so kind, and sharing, and caring, etc. He's just doing what Jesus does).

19. "Mom says that when I die, I can be buried with Blue Baby." (When Riley is a tad low, somehow the conversation turns to this. I have assured her that when she dies, she will indeed be buried with blue baby. However, I am aware that this is a very disturbing conversation to have with an eight year old).

20. "I love you." (We are a family that uses this very often...and no, it doesn't lessen it).

A Few Various Thoughts I Have During the Day...in no particular order, and for no particular reason.

1. No one writes better songs about my children, for me, than Ben Folds. The song, "Gracie" is exactly how I feel about Riley and the song, "Still Fighting It" is perfect for Cole. Except for the beer part...as I'm not a beer drinker. But he's a guy that gets it.

2. And Ben Folds' "The Luckiest" is the way I feel about Jeff. Strangely, I don't consider Ben Folds my absolute favorite, or anything...like I said though, he gets it.

3. I have crushes on both Jack White, and Jack Black. For entirely different reasons as they are entirely different people. I have crushes on a lot of men, (you all know about Angel and Spike)...it's a little ridiculous at times. However, Jeff allows me this, even though I don't reciprocate. I don't enjoying knowing about any of his crushes, in fact, I'm happier believing that since he's married to me, he's incapable of having any. (Delusional? I've never denied it). But he lets me believe the way I want to...otherwise I resort to catty remarks about the other ladies that SOMEHOW have captured his attention. Is this just a "girl" thing, or am I completely the possessive/jealous type? I assuage my guilt by convincing myself it's a bit of both.

4. If I eat two candy bars, I will gain five pounds. Jeff says this is scientifically impossible. He, however, has never had to deal with my metabolism, or having my thighs. Science has nothing to do with it.

5. If I don't look at the fat content on the pint of Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream, it tastes better.

6. That despite huge improvements in communication and transportation, in NO way do the kids of today have it "easy".

7. If Joss Whedon would bring back Buffy, Angel, or Firefly...the world would be right again.

8. Feeling the baby in my stomach doesn't exactly make me feel endeared. Actually, it feels like gas--angry gas. After I get the ultra sound, that's when it will all fall into place. Right now I just feel fat with bouts of the previously mentioned angry gas. When I see the baby on that little dark, swishy monitor, it's so much more real. And exciting.

9. I know this makes me a terrible mom, but most days I wish I could just sleep until my due date. The heat, the feeling vomitous, the guilt of being so tired all the time, the grouchiness, the constant peeing...all things that I could easily do without for the next five months. Also, I worry that this period of time might damage Riley and Cole. My patience is shot, and it's not their fault, and I know it. I think of when I was pregnant with Cole, and how life was, and how I was with Riley. To this day I hate thinking about it. If they make through without severe emotional problems, I will be so grateful.

10. I wish I had a veggie burrito. Or some steak carbone tacos.

Also...after re-reading my last post, (this is something I continually do because I'm anal like that), I really noticed that when I talk about Jeff I make him out to sound like he never even talks to his own family...this isn't true. He doesn't talk nearly as much as I do to mine, but that's just the way he is, and they know that, and respect it. I think I mainly make him out to be the hermit that only talks to me, Riley and Cole, because I try to get this across to certain members of MY family, that feel that because Jeff isn't a chatterbox/socialite, this means he doesn't like them. Which also isn't true, but my side of the family has dominant "thick-headed" gene, that doesn't seem to get that. Anyway, just wanted to put that out there, in case someone was feeling like I just want Jeff to love me the most, and am therefore, painting him out to be that way. (Which may be completely true, but I'm not admitting it).

Just a bunch of stuff (I'll warn you...I have serious ADD right now, and this post is ALL over the place).

So last year we skipped the annual zoo trip, simply because the last two years before when we'd gone, all the exhibits were being remodeled, and though two thirds of the zoo was closed down, they still charged full price and expected everyone to be grateful for the "We're sorry about all the construction, but by 2007, our zoo will be twice as big!" Whatever. I was pissed. Sorry or not, I wasted seven bucks on each of us those last two years. However, when I was told by a pretty reliable source, (thanks Kelli), that it was all good again, we decided that we'd take a look-see. Jeff took two days off this last weekend: Friday and Monday. It was sooo nice. He's been going to work at 8:45am and getting home sometimes at 9:00pm. I should be the super, understanding, let-me-rub-your-feet wife that drops everything when he gets home, but I am PISSED. What right does his boss have to expect him to be there for twelve hours? Seriously, twelve freaking hours, and that's no big deal to the boss, cause Jeff is on salary, so....yeah. I will stop talking about it right now, because this is something that I can gripe about for hours on end. All I can say, is that Jeff's company is lucky to have him...because seriously, I would be looking elsewhere.
So back to the subject. Anyway, Jeff took some days off, and on Friday, we went to Kung Fu Panda, which was really good. The kids were totally besotted with Po, the Panda. Watch it, and you'll see why. Then Saturday night Jeff and I watched a movie I swore to myself I never would: Lars and the Real Girl. And again, I was swayed by Kelli to give it a chance. I really liked it. It was awkward and painful at times to watch, however, it made me think. I have some experience with social awkwardness. (Gasp! Yes, me). I handle it in this way; I will go for broke around others, saying what I'm thinking, trying to be continually "on", and then days after, I will worry that I offended someone or was just completely stupid and no one will ever like me again--it's a thing. Anyway, Jeff is the opposite. He'd rather not say anything, ever. He'd rather be alone and away from anyone that isn't me or Riley or Cole. Sometimes it is actually painful for him to make small talk, or just continue a conversation with someone. He can do it, and he will...something that he's worked hard to be able to do...but Lars reminded me of how far my husband has come. If he never would have married...I can just see him being that guy completely afraid of any type of interaction, whatsoever. I love Jeff, and believe me, he knows my opinion on this, but I think he would have been pretty scary had he remained lonely and alone for too much longer. He'd be that creepy guy that continually lives in his mom's house, with no intention of ever moving. The one that no one really knew what was going on in his head, because he refused to talk to anyone and would avoid them at all costs. There would always be weird noises and smells coming from his room, and no one would ever be allowed to go in. Any family members have opinions on this that have watched the movie? Let me know. (And for the record, had I not have married Jeff, I'd probably be the crack whore that was too fat for a mini skirt, however I'd be too out of my mind on cheap drugs to care, and so I'd wear them anyway...while trying to sell myself. Completely ruining my business, and always being the most broke hooker in the world. I just want you all to know that I am well aware that I've totally benefitted from being married, as well. Just in a different way).
Sunday, as you all know, was Father's day. I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out, and I think Jeff was, as well. We woke up completely late, and then went to Bob and Maida's. My in-laws, for those of you that may not know. It's always nice to sit and visit, but it never seems like there's enough time to do so. This time especially. We had made arrangements to go to my dad and step mom's house for dinner. I was surprised with how relaxed the atmosphere was...usually I stress about stuff like this, because I worry that we don't have enough time to make all the proper stops, or it seems rushed and forced. But this Father's Day went well. I am going to go ahead and speak for Jeff and say that he enjoyed it, too...because he got everything he wanted, plus a poster from the kids complete with fluorescent hearts on it...and who can complain about that kind of stuff?
And today was the zoo. We slept in, and finally got up there around 2:00pm. We actually haven't ever gone that late in the day before, and I was worried it was going to be way too hot. But everything was new, and the misters were on, and we packed lots of gatorade, because it has electrolytes, you know. Both kids enjoyed it. Jeff and I enjoyed it. Definitely the best zoo trip we've had.
On the other hand, I'm well aware that this isn't my best post, but it's late and I'm tired. So, you'll have to deal. Also, I had four days of action pact adventure to get through, so just be grateful that I didn't give up all together and pretend it didn't happen. As far as this blog goes, anyway. 'Kay, I am going straight to bed. I keep staring at this screen, waiting for something fabulous to say, and it's just not happening. As you can plainly see. Goodnight.

Art City Funfare.

So the Art City Funfare was today. It was three and a half hours of hair-spraying, face-painting, cotton candy eating, bouncy house jumping, train riding, and magician watching fun. I have decided that being a good, "fun" mom is hard work. Not only did I have to tote all the snacks and camera, but then there were the jackets and the shoes...plus my huge belly is heavy, as well. And do you think I got any thanks? No. Just a ton of, "Mom! Don't eat any more of my cotton candy!", and some, "Mom! my hands are sticky and I need a wipe. YOU DIDN'T BRING THE WIPES?!"
But there were cute moments, as well. After standing in line for about ten minutes in the hair-coloring line, Cole totally chickened out. He first had all these extravagant plans...orange with black dots, or green with some orange stripes...and then it was his turn, and he panicked. I promised that he would look cool, and he'd love it, once it was done. But he wouldn't be swayed. Cole has some severe issues with his hair and is afraid of it looking "lousy", (his exact word). He wouldn't calm down until I told him that he didn't have to, and we'd just wait for Riley to get hers done. She was brave and went with green and pink stripes. FYI, it looked fabulous. Then, after Riley's hair was done, they both decided to get tattoos. For some reason, Cole didn't have any fears of that, at all. But neither one wanted a tattoo anywhere other than on their arms. We couldn't go too crazy.



From there, we were off to the bounce houses and such. Cole is pictured in this big dragon that stretched for about forty feet. My kids loved it, but said it totally smelled like Poo inside. This, however, wasn't very ironic, being that the dragon looked like a big worm, and the kids entered at its mouth and exited out its butt. Should I feel bad that my children are so hard up for fun they don't mind crawling through a jiggly tube that reeks of feces? I don't know. But I'm choosing not to look at it that way, I'm going to stick with the "I'm a great mom for getting off my butt and doing this with them", mind-frame. The worst part? By far, it was the magic show. Of coarse, my children loved it. Cole and Riley's manic laughter at the magician's jokes rang out just as loud as all the other hundreds of kids, I kind of felt bad that I couldn't join in their laughter, until I looked around at the other adults, and realized that they were all faking their appreciation of his sense of humor. So I joined in, and tried to laugh whenever Riley and Cole did. After eating my overpriced nachos with the still-frozen cheese, I sat there with my two little ones, trying to find a way to describe how they make me feel. I'm a really selfish person. I will be the first to admit this. When I think about life, I'm really used to thinking about the stuff that pleases me. But with Riley and Cole, I totally change into something else. I would have spent another three hours in Magic Hell, if it meant that they would continue to laugh like they were. It if meant they were as happy as they were, right then. I know that my kids are happy, I'm lucky that they are easily entertained. But sometimes, at moments like these, I'm just astounded at how happy they make me.
It hits me so hard sometimes. I remember when I first realized I was in love with Jeff. He was sick and pukey. We had just gotten to Seattle with Keri, so she could move some of her stuff to Vic's house. Jeff had been sick the entire trip up there, even though he had to drive, and it got worse as soon as we arrived at our destination. I was starving, and Keri and Vic had just invited us to go out to dinner, a nice place where we could eat burgers and stuff...my favorite. And Jeff said he was too sick. You wouldn't believe how difficult it was for me to decline their offer, and stay with Jeff, while he went back and forth from the toilet to the bed. (Actually, if you know me, you also know I love to eat, so this is actually an impressive sacrifice). Anyway, it was then, while I was lying next to Jeff, ignoring my rumbling stomach, rubbing his back, and really worried about how he was feeling, that I knew. I knew he was the one for me. It took him a bit longer, however, but you get the gist. For some reason, with Jeff, I was uncomfortable, and tired and hungry...but I still felt better being uncomfortable with him, than comfortable without him. Yeah, that was a wordy way of putting it, but it's pretty simple. With Jeff, with my babies, just being with them, even if I'm miserable, is everything to me. So, anyway, that's all for me tonight. All it took was some bad nachos and hair paint/spray fumes, and rotten jokes to rekindle all my loves. Not that they had burned out, but sometimes I just need an awakening, you know? So, for future reference, you can always find something for everyone at the Art City Funfare. Look how much I got out of it. It was a good day for the kids, and most definitely, for me.

My checkup status

Okay, so I'm four and a half months along. Still sick and such, because I'm SICK THE ENTIRE TIME. It's something that surprises people, even though, every time they ask, I tell them the same thing. It's annoying. Much of what happens to me is, these days. I'm buckets of sunshine, as you know. Anyway, Riley and Cole had to come to my checkup and they were fabulous. (I know I'm not into the ' exam every time' frame yet, so I didn't mind them being there). They both got to hear the heartbeat of the baby, and they were pretty excited. Riley told the doctor that she hopes it is a girl, so they can both go out to get ice cream. When this would happen I really don't know, but that seems to be her take on what sisterhood is about. When the doctor asked if she could take a brother out to ice cream, Cole looked up from his coloring book and said, "I don't like ice cream", and went back to finishing his new specialty, another "rainbow" Ironman picture. Riley looked at the doctor like: "See?"
On the 24th of this month is my ultra sound. I'm still thinking this baby is a girl. But people-and you know who you are-are cracking my resolve. On the other hand, I will know for absolute sure on the 24th...so those of you that mock me, will soon be wallowing in your own shame. You're all invited to give your opinion, but know now, that I will NOT be gentle about your being wrong. Just have to make that clear.

what I like.

So Jeff has had it with me. Lately I've been starting every sentence with, "I hate...". And I do...I hate Walmart, and the fact that I get in the twenty items or less line, and there's a person with about forty items in front of the two people in front of me...and not only does she exceed the number of items, but she's run back somewhere in the store TWICE while we all stand there, waiting. I DO hate that. I also hate getting Redbox movies, when I've had Jeff order it online, and I'm just there to pick it up...and yet, I get stuck behind that lady with the two impatient kids, that chooses to READ each and every movie promo, meanwhile, her children are running out in front of oncoming carts, and their mother, completely oblivious, stands there, reading about a movie called, The Orphanage. I hate that, too. But I do like some things. I like when I get free stuff. I got a free razor today at Walmart, because some guy was handing them out. I shaved my legs and other stuff, and I feel nice and smooth--and this miracle was accomplished by something that I acquired free. I like that. I also like Ice cream right now, and this new soap that my friend Moriah sent me that smells fresh and clean...and I just smell it all day. I like when Riley and Cole play together and Cole throws his arms around Riley and says really loud and choppy-like, "I love my sista!" And Riley looks at me and laughs and says, "I love my little brother". I love that. I love when Cole talks about the baby, and how he wishes it would just hurry up and come out--because I feel the same way. And then I also love how Riley patiently explains to him that it needs to grow and develop some more, otherwise, it will be sick, and unhealthy. This is something I both hate and love to hear...hate that reality completely sucks, and love that my little girl is so smart and understanding. Anyway, so there, Jeff. I like and even love some things, still. I don't hate everything. Mostly, everything just pisses me off. And I feel like I'm getting bigger everyday, so I'm entitled to this.