Time to be Thankful.

It's November. Not that this is big news to you, I'm sure...but I've been contemplating what this means to me for a while now.  Like, five whole days.  Anyway, November has turned into a bit of a tricky month.  September is when we are getting ready for the holidays to come up...and October is all about Halloween.  Nowadays November is kind of shoved under the blanket of after-Halloween sales, and Christmas stuff.  Which is kind of sad.  Don't get me wrong, I love Halloween.  And I love Christmas.  Both Holidays make me happy and are big fun.  However, November is about Thanksgiving...and just because it isn't as visually stimulating as either of the other holidays, (turkeys?  Pilgrims?  Booooorrrrriiing), it's still a time that I feel is grossly overlooked.  It's about being Thankful.  Gluttony, Thankfulness, and Greed.  That's how it's supposed to go.  And it makes me mad when some people try to switch that up.
So I'm putting my foot down.  Or more realistically, putting words to the page, or even more realistically, being self-righteous and smug.


  *all that being said, I'm still the person that decorates for   Christmas no later than November 11th...and I make no apologies.  I'm writing my list of "Thankfuls", so don't judge me.
I made a small list of things I was thankful for on Thanksgiving Day, last year.  But I've been thinking lately that I wanted to start earlier with the things that I'm thankful for.  Just because.


This year has been a hard one.  Not just for me, but for a lot of people I know.  It seems like 2009 has brought a lot of hardships. But then, sometimes it's the difficult things that make us stronger, and more appreciative of the things that we'd normally take for granted.  Anyway, you all know this.  I'm just trying to further explain my post.  But I'm going to go ahead and give you the benefit of the doubt...and assume that you get it, already.


Here goes.


1.  I'm thankful to be in the "enjoyment phase" of having a family.  Right now, I know that my most important goal, calling, whatever, is to be a mother to my three babies.  And a wife/best friend to Jeff.  Now, I realize this isn't a very modern woman attitude, but if I break down what I'm supposed to be doing and my personal desires into their most basic form, this is where I end up.  Sometimes I get overly paranoid about whether or not I'm taking full advantage of my capabilities, or my talents or whether or not I have any of those things.  But when I make myself put everything on the simplest level, I find that I'm right where I need to be.  I'm really thankful for this.




2.  I'm thankful for my siblings and friends and family.  I say this a lot.  But I have been the recipient of tons of good vibes, and warm and fuzzy thoughts, and laughs, and tears, and hugs.  And I've been really grateful for each one.  I'm a lot like my dad was...in that I'm easily overcome with emotion, but I'm not overly excited to share that part of myself.  Just knowing that I have people that care about me, that try to understand I'm doing my own thing right now, is appreciated.  I'm in a soul-searching phase.  I'm trying to find what makes ME happy. And when I know, I'll let you know.


 *Now, please notice that those things were, respectively, number one and number two of my "Thankful" list.  Simply put, they're the most important things to me of all. So...that being said, I'm now going to get to the other stuff.


3.  I'm thankful for this weather.  I mean, has this been the best Fall season, ever?  Uh, yes.  It has.  It's nice and cool, and the sun still shines, and the wind doesn't blow, and we are still supplied with fresh, crisp air.  If there could be one continuous season, this would be the one I'd vote for. It makes me happy and content.


4.  I'm thankful for my health.  I could elaborate, but I won't.  Any of you that have been sick, or seen loved ones go through sickness...know that having health is a huge blessing. Enjoy it.


5. This is a mean one, but I'm thankful for it just the same. And who says mean people shouldn't be thankful for stuff?  I'm thankful for people that have really stupid blogs.  And not only that, but they post really often, and the reason they do it, is because they are "helping YOU be a better person".  I want to point out that these blogs are so dumb, you actually get angry as you read it, because the people writing are so lame.  Yet, like obscene accidents....you just keep looking for more. And that's where I'm at.  I have one blog in particular that I have to check often...because the author's choice of subject matter never ceases to amaze me by its lameness.  I find myself reading the comments after each of this person's posts...wondering if anyone will say what I'm thinking.  Something along the lines of:  "You suck, and so do your opinions.  But you keep me coming back...I'm sickly addicted".  Yet, no one does.  And, because I'm technically blog-stocking this person, I don't feel like I have that right.  I'm thankful for this.  It assures me that I'm not as lame as I COULD be.


6. Bookclub.  I'm missing it today.  Which sucks, because I've been sick, and I've got sick kids...(you know, #4), but when I'm at bookclub I'm around people that bring new stories my way.  And we eat great food.  And we also read stuff.  But it's just a night out with girls each month that I can look forward to.


7.  Sons of Anarchy.  Oh.  My.  Goodness.  It's so wonderful.  Each week I wait FOREVER until Wednesday night, for Jeff to download Tuesday's episode off of whatever site he downloads it from.  And then He and I watch it.  And when it ends we look at each other go:  "WHAT?!" Because it's really that good.  And then the wait starts all over again.


8.  Dark nail polish.  Does anyone remember when you couldn't find anything outside of pink and mauve?  Well I do.  It wasn't until I was in high school that the colors began to get cool...and it was Wyoming, so after months of searching I only came up with a glittery navy blue, and a gold-like yellow. You see how difficult it was?  Now I have all my red-blacks, blue-blacks, purple-blacks, green-blacks...you see where I'm going with this. It's not a problem anymore.


9.




8. 

My costume: Mercy Thompson from the book, Bones Crossed, by Patricia Briggs

I did it, ya'll.  I wore my trampy costume to the Anderson Halloween party.  I had to tell everyone who I was, and explain my choice, and feel quite awkward a few times, but I did it. In preparation, I actually googled "how to create cleavage", and was enlightened...and overwhelmed.  I now know why people just pay the eight grand here (or more), and get a fake pair.  Because after the shaving, and taping, and make-up, it's just not worth it.  Anyway, because my husband loves me, he made the picture that he took of me look like the cover of the book I was trying to copy.  I think he did an excellent job, if I do say so, myself. (And if I may say...despite having a plethora of boyfriends, I don't think I could have scored better than my Jeffrey.  It's not often that the man you love will spend a couple hours making you look super good just for funsies, and the fact that it will make me feel like I have so much in common with a personal hero).  True, the "real" Mercy's tummy is way more svelte, and she has magnificent arms...but, I comfort myself by remembering that she's a shapeshifter/mechanic that has never given birth.  Not that I ever looked like that, but if she were to have a litter or something?  Her arms and stomach wouldn't be nearly as fabulous. 


In addition to Jeff and the kids and I being way late, the Halloween party got rained out, and had to be continued inside my In-law's home.  So I didn't have enough time or room to take pictures of all the family members and their clever costumes. But, to see extra pictures of our family and many of the Anderson clan, you can all go here.    Kelli is always the organizer/thrower of our Halloween extravaganzas, and she did such an excellent job of posting everyones' costumes and families and stuff, that I thought instead of stealing all her pictures and such, I'd just direct you all to sneak a peak at her work. 

I bought Sydney's costume last year at the after-Halloween sales.  I will kindly remind you that I was massively pregnant at the time.  I remember thinking back then that even though I was buying a costume  for an 18 month old, if the kid proved to be status-quo, she'd fit into it quite well at 10 months.  I was right.  As usual.

Jeff was Dexter.  When Dexter is re-creating a crime scene and the blood splatters.  He did really well with his costume, I thought.  I'd bought something not as cool for Jeff to wear, but he took the initiative himself and went to actually look for something better.  He also found it. 
Jeff and I made Riley and Cole's costumes.  Riley wanted to be a pirate and Cole wanted to be a devil.  It was mainly because Riley found a cool sword and Cole found a pitchfork he really liked.  No one can say my kids don't know how to accessorize.  Anyway, we have a busy weekend ahead of us.  On Thursday we have the kids' school Halloween parade and Carnival, and then Friday we have Jeff's work Halloween party and then Saturday we do the actual trick-o-treating and visiting of friends and family.  I'm already tired thinking about it, but I'm taking one for the team.  So, it's late, and I gotta sleep.  Toodles.   

Notes to self.

Sheesh, Amy. A little patience for those of us blogging from our phones that have butter-fingers and post unintentionally. Hopefully this clears it up:

At Walmart. In the ONLY isle that doesn't have people in it--this is relevant because A) it's my favorite isle, (Dt. Mt. Dew is behind my butt), and B) it's kinda covert for me to take a picture of myself and not get mocked by people perusing the shelves. Because, that's totally what I'd do if I saw someone doing this. I'm waiting on the fine Walmart employees to change the oil in my car that seems to be gradually falling apart. Sad.
Anyway, I have time to think cause Syd's with Jeff, and the kids are at school, and I've already got the necessary groceries for the weekend. I've compiled a list of notes that I need to remember:

1. Don't wear my hair like this. I have a fivehead and it took me to now to figure it out.

2. When going to an auto place, like Checkers or Autozone, wear makeup, and leave kids at home. Smile, and be chatty. Customer service is better by like, 90%. (Even with said fivehead).

3. I'm a hypocrite. Especially when it comes to technology. If I can't afford something right away, it's certainly not a good or useful product. I.e. : Laptops--I scoffed about laptops until Jeff got one. Who needs one of those? Especially if they stay at home with the kids? And then I quickly found out that being jobless and addicted to facebook, email, blogging, and occasionally paying bills requires a laptop. Because, it's for sure I don't want to have to go all the way to the office to do these things. Also, I was anti-cell phone. True, this was like, six years ago, but still. I promised/swore that I wouldn't give in. Now, when I'm without my beloved Blackberry, I will stop what I'm doing, and even drive the necessary mileage it takes to retrieve it from my home. I'm that dependent and pathetic. However, I say this now, and I give full future permission as well....Anyone that sees me in Walmart, sporting a bluetooth headset and chatting away because I can't hold the phone to my ear while I'm in the cheese section, I will give 50 bucks. Because that is the day I am a true loser. And as a loser, I may as well give you my life savings, cause, what the Hell am I gonna do with it?

4. Don't ever run to the restroom leaving my 10 month old and previously mentioned laptop in the room together. Regardless of how many toys she's been supplied with, the movie she's watching, and the snacks she's eating, nothing good comes out of it. I lose all previously recorded information and gain a lot of different settings that I can't figure out.

5. When I help with Cole's class, be sure to wear perfume, deodorant, and chew gum. He informed me that the kids don't like it when helpers are "stinky". I passed the test today. Phew.

6. Lastly, remember to give Cole a kiss and a hug goodbye each time I help in his class. But not a kiss on the cheek...it needs to be on the head. He kinda walked me through it, but there was some awkwardness involved. He has people to impress, apparently. But not overly so.

K. I just had to type that stuff out...otherwise, I'd forget. And I'm thinking of you all, knowing you're at work and just needing something to make your Friday go by faster. You're welcome. Have a good weekend! (Oh, and fyi, my car's oil is changed, but now I gotta have it checked for emission problems....any reccommendations on a mechanic? I'm clueless).

Stuff

Hey all. I'm not too sure what I'm posting about. But I've got some free time, I'm not dead tired, and I've already folded all my laundry...so, I decided to type. In recent news, Cole lost his front tooth a few days ago. FINALLY. That thing has been hanging on for the last two months, and had started to turn a weird color and such.

He's very proud of himself. And of COURSE it had to happen right before school pictures. (Re-takes, actually. We missed the first pictures when we were in Colorado last month). This is what I looked like from 3rd to the 6th grade. Let's hope that Cole doesn't sport the look as long as I had to. He's a pretty adorable kid, though, so hopefully he won't have as hard of a time as I did.

As you saw from a couple posts ago, Syd is walking. She's now an unstoppable force. Her favorite item lately is a nunchuck from the Wii. She picks it up in one hand and the cord in the other, and somehow manages not to trip while her little thumb manuvers the knob on the chuck and she makes her way throughout the downstairs. She's a genius, but I've told you that already.

Riley is kicking butt and taking names. She's still overly smart and sweet and her little sister and brother think she's the best person in the world. To my ultimate delight, She's begun to be style savvy and tell me about things that I had absolutely no clue she was interested in. We've made a few trips to the store for some "school essentials", and she's really been into accessorizing and such. She's started to grow up and have opinions, and ask questions, and think like a pre-teen, rather than a little girl. In a way, this makes me happy because it's been fun to see what kind of free-thinking person she's turning into. In another way, I get kind of sad about it, because she's my first baby...and she's growing up. I know I always say that, but this last year it's been different. I watch her with her friends, and am amazed at the type of kid she is...she's very thoughtful of others and their feelings, even if they don't return that favor. She and Cole both are so kind...and that's really one of the most important things to me. I think it would break my heart to see them being mean to someone. I hope and pray that this is a staple they hold onto.

Jeff has lost 25lbs. In a month and a half. Seriously. I love my husband, and I'm proud of him, and I'm happy that he's met his physical goals and such. Because I also know that he's worked hard. But I'm also a bit pissed that he's accomplished this so quickly and will tell anyone and everyone that not one bit of this situation is fair in any way. Short of cutting off one of my legs, there's no way I could lose 25lbs in a month and a half. And that's if I starved myself, to boot. I don't have any recent pics of him...I need to remedy that. If it were me that lost 25lbs, I'd have like, no less than a bajillion photos. This weekend will be our annual Anderson Halloween Party. So rest assured you'll get to see why I'm complaining about my husband's choice to get healthy and look great. Leaving me behind. Whatever.

As for me...I'm doing okay. There's a lot of things that I'm not ready to do just yet, not ready to talk about yet, people I'm not ready to see...but other than that, things are on the up and up. I've decided that jogging isn't that bad. Not that it's pretty when I do it, but, I can't think about anymore than two things when I jog, so that's a nice break from the usual crap bouncing around in my mind. I'm excited about the Halloween party...and my costume. It's a bit trashy, but I think that's why I've bonded with it so. Also, no one will know who I am, so I'll have to bring my copy of the book with my character on it to assure that my costume isn't just a reason to show a lot of cleavage. Even though that's a big plus. I'll be showing my stomach, too...the stomach that has been an incubator for three kids. That's not a plus for anyone. But I'm nothing if I'm not comitted, right? And, after tons of mental motivation, I can't be as awkward as last year. (Big thanks to Amy for documenting those photos on Facebook where everyone and their dog can witness my ginormity). ;)

In other news, a new show to rave about. Sons Of Anarchy. About bikers and the politics within their ranks. I'd been wanting to watch it because Buffalo, the town I grew up in, was a central crossroads stop for most of the bikers that went to Sturgis, SD each year. (HUGE Motercycle rally/week of full-out crazy partying). I was always a bit fascinated by the element, especially when once I saw a lady on a bike that was wearing leather pasties and chaps, like it was normal. I wondered what kind of life that must be. Anyway, who knows how accurate Sons of Anarchy is? But it's good stuff. Jeff had read less than stellar reviews of it. Then Kyle, my brother-in-law, lent us the first season, and because he approved, Jeff decided to give it a try. (Jeff will say that that's not an accurate description of how it all went down, but it's my story. And that's how I say it went).
Can I just tell you how much I love it? How much I looked forward to watching a couple espisodes each night, and would think about it each day? Sooo good. But we finished it way too quickly. Jeff and I just watched the first episode of season 2 and it's had me thinking all night--made mopping the kitchen WAY more enjoyable. So check it out if you get the chance. And ladies, you'll thank me. You'll see why. His name is Jax.

Alright. It's almost 3:00am...and I'm tired. And I've gotta take the kids to school in the morning and be nice. All those stipulations can't be met if I stay up any longer. Later gators.

I'm declaring....

EMOOOOOTIONAL BANKRUPTCYYYYY.

Did you ever see that episode of The Office, where Michael declares bankruptcy? He just goes into a room, shouts his decision, and by his estimate, the problem should then be fixed? That is basically what I'm trying to accomplish, as well. So, for the record, I need to tell you now that this will probably be an overly long post of me trying to self-analyze while simultaneously trying to convince all my readers that despite being crazy, I'm not a crazy bitch. Hopefully.

You see, this is why I'm trying to distance myself from a lot that's currently going on. Not in my personal life, but in the lives of those I'm close to. Yeah. That sounds really bad. Really terrible and cold-hearted and bitchy. But, I've been doing some really deep thinking. I've been up a few nights. You all have read a little about my father's recent death. And even though I try to focus on more positive things, the process of getting through it is still new. And hard. And in addition to that, personal, so I don't expect it to affect others as much as it affects me. I don't say that to be mean, because I know that so many have expressed true sympathy. And I appreciate it. However, I know that part of the grieving process is acceptance, and some days are easier than others in that area. But I would never expect anyone else to disrupt their everyday because I'm still not over everything.

On Monday my brother-in-law and his lovely wife had a baby that passed away under an hour later. They knew that this would be the end result, but hoped they'd have a little more time with her. I saw pictures of her yesterday, and died a little. You see, I think that we all are given things we can handle. However hard it may be. I have to believe this, because there are so many times where it would have been easier to just give up, state that I'm broken because of my hardship, and blame everything that happens next on my bad luck or whatever negative force is working against me.
But these people, my brother-in-law and his wife, handled the loss of their daughter with a grace that I haven't seen in, well, ever. These past few days have really hit home that the world, that life, is so much bigger than me--or my fears or problems, or worries. I cried a lot in coming to that decision. And my heart still aches for their family. But I'm trying to take their examples to heart. Even though I feel like I'm suffering in my own way, what they have gone through would surpass what I experienced. We are both missing someone so loved. But I got to know my someone--and he wasn't a child. I know that I am emotionally, mentally, and physically incapable of being that stoic. Though my heart is with them, and I am thinking about them, praying for them...I can't imagine their pain.
So I'm taking this information and trying to use it to become maybe a stronger, braver person.



I've decided that I need to focus on the good things in my life, rather than the rotten things that are happening around me. I grew up feeling like I had to take on the pain of everyone else, just as much as my own. And, with the help of my husband, and friends, and siblings, I've been lead to the conclusion that I don't have to do that. I can express concern, I can help out, but I don't have to completely take on the pain of others. And though this choice is obvious to most people, I've actually had to be shown that it's acceptable. I've come to the conclusion that the people that love you the most want you to be happy. More than wanting to bring you into their private Hell, they want to protect you from it. I think about my little ones, and I keep a lot of things from them, FOR them. I want their days to be free of as much stress and disappointment and sadness that they can avoid. I let them love me, and be with me and take comfort in their presence, but I won't tell them things that are way beyond their control and understanding.

So through my rambling I hope I've stated my point. And if not, let me recap. I am so grateful for my life. My husband, my babies, my family, and friends. I hope to learn from them, and be able to support them, and am more than willing to do things to help where I can. But I'm also accepting that there are instances where I can't help. And I'm not going to feel bad or large amounts of guilt over this. I'm just going to try really hard, everyday, to be thankful for the good things, times, people that are in my life...rather than focus on what I wish I had, or what I missed out on, or why something isn't fair. I don't understand a lot of things. I try to make sense out of stuff that completely baffles me. But I do know that I'm happy when I am full of thanks. And I do know that sometimes when I see others go through trials, I am refreshed on why our lives are so precious. So that's where I am right now. Maybe I can figure out more stuff if I just really look inside, and like what I see.

LOOK WHAT MY BABY CAN DO!

So today was the day. Only 48 hours until turning 10 months old, Syd does this:
(Just make sure you don't pay any attention to my pig-sty of a bedroom in the background).



It must be a girl thing. She's been taking tentative steps for the last month, but then she'd chicken out and decide that crawling was a lot safter. I don't mean to brag or anything...but she's pretty much a rock star. Happy October, ya'll.

Last Saturday

Last Saturday we were in Colorado. Berthoud, Colorado, to be exact. It was my father's funeral. The reason he was taken to Colorado was that both his parents and his oldest brother are buried there, and he wanted to be next to them. He and Teresa had made the arrangements while he was still able to. And it went a lot more smoothly than I had expected, as there were quite a few setbacks with the cemetery and such. You'd think that in a business where you sold land to people to be buried in, you would have information where vaults and such would fit. Sadly, no. After about three tries, it seemed that they finally figured it out. I'm just glad they didn't give my stepmom a heart attack in the process.


Anyway, I'm posting about it. Not only for my memories, but because a lot of you have asked. For the record, I know I'm taking the easy way out by not thanking each and everyone of you individually. But I am begging each of you to please understand. I'm all about the easy way right now. Those of you that have left comments, warm thoughts, messages, flowers, treats, gifts...and so on and so forth, thank you all so much. I've been overwhelmed, but in a really nice way.

The funeral was actually really nice. Jeff did the program for me--and he drew a portrait of my father as a boy. As usual, he did an excellent job. I didn't have any programs left, otherwise I would have posted a copy of it. My sisters Lora and Muffy and my brother Jessey all wrote down memories of Dad, and I wrote a poem on the back. I think Dad would have liked it. He would have been touched by the memories and the nice things that were written. For those of you that wondered, yes, I sang. I was having a really hard time carrying the tune, and I shook the whole time, so I wasn't entirely audible, and I'm glad that no one got it on film. But, I did it. I did it for Dad, and I like to think he appreciated my effort.

Cole ended up taking my video camera and taking various pictures of people and headstones and such. At first I was a little concerned that it was probably not the most kosher activity during a funeral, however, after looking at the photos, and the random things that he captured, I'm happy that he did. There's no way I would have felt comfortable taking pictures of people, but he doesn't have a problem with it. At all.

Jeff and Riley and Cole and Syd were there for me the whole time. Syd got tired of being held, and it was either listen to her complain or let her crawl around. Yet another thing that was probably trashy...as she seemed to make herself at home all over other's headstones...but, she was content.

My stepmom, Teresa asked me to kind of orchestrate the program, so I had to do a lot more speaking than I had planned on, but I think it went well. Lora, Muff, and Jess were there to help and carry out certain parts of the program, as well. We were all there for each other, and after all the ongoing family drama that we've had, it was such a relief to just take comfort in each other's presence. I realized how grateful I am for my siblings. I mean, I know I love them, but there isn't anyone that knows what my life was like better than they do, there isn't anyone that can relate to me on that level the way they can, because they were there. That's a powerful part of family--just knowing how an individual came to be the person they are today--being there for so many of those milestones.


A lot of people there, I didn't know. They were friends of my father's. They had in common that he'd affected their lives in a positive way. He was a man that always looked out for those in need, and was willing to help where he could, and he was charitable. A couple of his friends had been on the receiving end of his charity. And I was proud of him. To help that many people-to help them profoundly and quietly is such an admirable thing. I want to be that way, as well.


Probably one of the greatest things about last weekend was getting to be with my half sister and brother. It's not like all those years of not knowing each other are now eliminated, but we got kind of connected, and it was so weird to see how alike we all are, despite not knowing each other for so long. There are some things that are totally genetic. My brother Jayson, and my sister, Shelly are on the right side.

On the way home we stopped at Lora and Mark's house in Laramie. They recently had it built and it's beautiful. All hard wood flooring and nice fixtures and stuff that I will probably never have, but can truly appreciate. She and her husband fixed us dinner and let us hang out for a while before we started the long drive home. As we were there, my brother Jessey and his wife Gabby showed up, and then Muffy and Chris. I had to get a picture of just us. It's been years since we've been in the same area. And sometimes it's so surreal to see that we are all adults and we're living our own lives.


And that was that. There was a lot more, but it's so late, and my eyes are drooping and I'm just feeling that exhaustion that makes you unable to move anything. So I'll bid you all a goodnight. But again, thanks so much for being such great friends and family. That truly means so much to me, and I'm grateful that I've been so blessed to have such great people in my life. Love to you all.