Talking the Talk.

I need to show a video of Syd and her talking skills.  I feel like I can't just brag and then not give you any proof that there is something truly happening.  So here's some.  Proof, and talking, that is.  Please ignore my voice...I wish the speakers on my phone could be changed to the side of what I'm recording because, I'm sure as you'll hear, my commentary detracts from the actual picture.  I want to remind you that at the beginning of this month, she may have said one of the animal sounds, and that's it.  So she's come a really long way. 

And there it is.  This is what's made Jeff and I and Riley and Cole really happy, and brought us tons of enjoyment, lately.  It's little, but so much to all of us.  And as I type this, she's still yapping up a storm while she plays with all the little animals.  Much of it is jabber, but there are a few "OH NO!"s, and "Wow"s, and "YEAH"s, interspersed with animal sounds.  Music to my ears.  For reals. 

Good News.

Despite my face breaking out, my PMS insanity, and getting a cold sore, life is pretty sweet.  Syd has been on a talking rampage.  RAMPAGE!  Copying everything she hears, and it's starting to sound more and more like real words.  Even to people that are NOT in the immediate family.  I have to share, because you know...it's like, the biggest relief I've felt in so long.  Maybe since Cole?  I don't know.  My baby Syd is talking.  And making eye contact, and using tiny phrases.  Is she still behind?  Yes.  But, in this last week, the words she uses has tripled.  And the two mornings we've been to group I've been told by EVERYONE how impressed they are with Syd's improvement.  Not that that's the most important thing here, but it feels really, really good. :)

I know I've been a downer about a lot of things lately.  But I had to share something fantastic.  And FYI?  This is a picture of my Squish actually SAYING cheese.  Warms my heart.  Happy weekend, all!

Something so fragile.

I kind of have an excellent husband, don't I?  And excellent kids.  I'm really grateful for my little family of five.  I can honestly say these are my most important possessions:     

Do you all remember the movie, The Christmas Story, where the dad gets his prize delivered in a box, and it reads, "Fragile", in huge black letters on the side?  And as he reads it aloud, he's so overcome from the excitement of actually winning something, he reads it as:  "FRA-GEE-LAY".  Then wonders aloud if it's French.  His wife, the realist, informs him that he misread it, and it was simply, "Fragile".  (And then when he opens it, it was that almost dirty women's stocking-ed leg lamp that I thought was so completely wonderful, only a Lava lamp would compare to such a novelty).

Anyway, whenever I hear that word, or read it, I'm inclined to first pronounce it the white-trash French way, as well....just because it's a word that means something special to me.  If I consider something fragile, it's likened to a baby, or Cole's feelings, or artwork, or things I take great pride in...and very possibly, I've created my own definition.  But to me, it's an important word.  More than just "fragile".  It's FRA-GEE-LAY.  But only in my head.  Because yeah, I know how stupid it sounds.  Hope that made some sort of sense, cause it's the prologue of my story.  

I'm sure you remember all my rants and raves, and sobs and heartaches about Sydney.  Sometimes with her life is so great.  She's fun, and she behaves as a two and a half year old should--complete with good and bad times.  Sometimes it's like my heart is being ripped from my chest--I see that she's having a hard time processing and understanding, and I'm not giving her what she needs, and I don't know if there's a way she can get it--and if there is, what can I do for her?  Sometimes even when you've made the decision to seek out helpful resources, it's still such a huge ordeal to figure out what's right for your needs.  Or, right for Sydney's needs, I guess. 

 So lately I've been pretty quiet about everything on the Syd front.  I think this is because when people would ask, it was always more of the same.  She's been doing her thing, and just getting by.  Which is fine...it's just not that interesting.  And, if I would dwell on it, it would be kind of depressing, because I really hoped there would be a huge change.  Like Magic.  I'm aware of how dumb that sounds, but if I'm honest, I hope for a lot of dumb things.  And I won't apologize for them, if they're for my kiddos.  
I guess I could have Syd diagnosed.  What that exactly means, I haven't a clue.  All I know, is that I've avoided it.  I have been told she's "on the spectrum".  What that means, I'm not too sure, either.  But I know it's the Autism spectrum.  Now, how high or low or whatever she is, I've refused to find out just yet.  I know that Cole was evaluated on his 3rd birthday, because that's when Kids Who Count stops service.  (And, to my great relief, he was completely fine--he didn't pass for any extended help, and it was the best "non passing" news I've ever received). From three years up, there are quite a few other options available, and they'll help you choose the one that's supposedly right for your child and the needs they have. I'm not surprised she's on the spectrum, actually.  I believe I'm on the spectrum.  I'm pretty sure Jeff is, as well.  
When I take her to her group therapy, where we have play time, and group time, and a craft, and a snack, I talk to the other moms there that are in the same boat as me.  Some have had their children diagnosed, and some haven't.  Those of us that have chosen not to go through with the diagnosis just yet, are just kind of clinging to the hope that maybe it's NOT something that will be permanent, or long term.  Maybe our kids are just a little behind, and they'll get it when they're good and ready.  The other moms are in full swing with their counteractions to their child being diagnosed with Autism, Aspergers,  selective mute-ism, etc. And I applaud their courage.  Because I'm not there, just yet.  We are all scared that we are going to find out our worst fear.  We show up with smiles, and are honestly so excited for each other when we mention victories our babies have during the week.  But if asked, or if we just listen to each other, our fears are all the same.  Does our child have disabilities?  How will we deal with this possibility?  We love them so much, that isn't a question, but their three year old birthday is coming very quickly...and there are still so many more improvements to be made.  
See?  This is why I stay quiet.  Because it's just too much...too depressing?  Too scary. Way too fragile.
But I need to mention Syd's progress lately.  Regardless of how fragile this hope I have has become, she's grown by leaps and bounds.  She's saying phrases like; "Oh Man!", and copying sentences and words like crazy.  She has been saying, (with coaching), "I M booceeule.  (I am beautiful).  And she knows she's saying that she's beautiful.  Today she answered the question, "Do you want something to drink"?, with an audible, "yes".  Little, fragile things, but so important.  So taken for granted, usually, but so important.   I needed to mention this.  Because I've kept it really close to my heart for the last week, and I'm just getting brave enough to start to hope again that all will be well.  And I want to clarify that if I am to be told that Syd does have disabilities, and  that it will be a lifelong task for both her and myself, I will be content with it.  If that's what happens, then it happens, and my little Squid is still my Squid.  She has a special place in my heart that belongs only to her, and always will.  I hope I haven't made anyone think I won't allow it, or I won't adapt to learning and being what she needs me to be.   I think it's important to know the feelings and heartache, though, of the possibility of your child being different.  Of Being misunderstood, or being judged. I have to say that despite how it's torn me up, I'm thankful for this experience, because it's helped me to understand some things I was really ignorant about, before.  And if I've ever been dumb, (which happens regularly), and said something asinine or hurtful, (which is also how I roll), I apologize. I honestly apologize a million times over.  Because it's not easy.  Not any of it.  And because our love for our children is ferocious.  And fragile at the same time.  

Hope your week is filled with treasures.  Enjoy the little things.  And be so grateful. 

Happy Mothers Day 2011 [by Jeff]

This picture has already been posted but I absolutely love it!
She looks so freakin cute!

In honor of mothers day I interviewed Riley and Cole separately (and on one occasion Sydney chimed in with an answer) with a series of questions about their wonderful mom.

1. What's your favorite thing about your mom?
Riley: She cares about me.
Cole: How she's nice, she loves me, she's a very great person... she sometimes trusts me.

2. What's your favorite thing to do with mom?
Riley: Go shopping with her. Because we both LOVE to do that!
Cole: Going to the store and sitting in the car eating.

3. What is mom's best feature?
Riley: Her eyes, because they're soft.
Cole: Her eyes. I like it how her eyes sometimes change color.

4. How would you describe mom to someone who had never met her?
Riley: She has really long dark brown hair with orange highlights, she's skinny and has big blue eyes.
Cole: She has black hair and green eyes. She sometimes wears a purple shirt... I like that purple shirt. She likes Hot Tubs and she's really nice
Sydney: Doof. (that was her one word answer and the only description I'd need)

5. If you were trapped in a burning car and mom was the only one there what would she do?
Riley: She would maybe try to get firefighters... but that would take too long. Maybe she'd pry the doors open with a big metal bar or break the windows.
Cole: She would try to break me out of the car, maybe there would be some tools lying on the ground she could use to break me out.

6. If mom was being attacked by a bear how would you help her?
Riley: I would get something sharp and stab the bear right in the head so it would never attack anyone again!
Cole: I would run back to the house, get a shrink ray and a cage then I would shrink the bear, put it in the cage and keep it as a pet.

7. If mom were cloned how would you know which one was the real mom?
Riley: I'd ask them questions about mom to find out which one was really my mom... that's what they do in the movies, right?
Cole: On allowance day I'd ask "which one of you will take me to the store?" The real mom would say "me!"

8. If you found out mom was a robot, how would you react?
Riley: I'd be very sad, because I want a real mom.
Cole: I'd be really freaked out! I'd run out the door because she might have laser vision!

9. What is mom's favorite thing to do?
Riley: Shop!
Cole: She likes to go on vacation, she likes to sleep and she likes to watch movies with dad.

10. What is mom's least favorite thing to do?
Riley: Go bowling
Cole: She doesn't like to get hurt... Oh! This makes mom really mad! When another car slips in front of her without waiting and mom says "Seriously lady!". She hates that.

Now that I'm writing this I thought it would be nice if I answered my own questions, so here goes:

1. My favorite thing about Rainey is how fun and exciting she makes life, while at the same time respecting my need for routine. Not an easy thing to do, but she does it beautifully.

2. My favorite thing to do with Rainey is not appropriate for posting here. I'll leave it at that.

3. Rainey's best feature, I would have to agree, is her eyes. Among so many other great features (also probably not appropriate) her eyes have a light in them that can make you feel like the world is full of wonderful things and you want to be a part of it all.

4. I'd say "She's a hot, rockin babe that probably blew past you leaving your life feeling a little more empty without her in it."

5. If I were trapped in a burning car I'd probably have to find my own way out as Rainey tends to freeze up in those kind of situations.

6. If Rainey was being attacked by a bear she would probably pretend to be dead (I know that's the acceptable reaction to a bear attack, but that's her go to move in all situations) so it would probably leave her alone and go after me, in which case I'd have to wrestle the bear into submission with my bare hands.

7. If Rainey were cloned we'd probably go bankrupt... but it would be a sweet, wild ride until then.

8. If I found out Rainey was a robot then she probably could have torn the door off the car and saved me, crushed the bears windpipe and cloning her would probably be a lot easier.

9. Rainey's favorite thing to do (I hope) is another inappropriate thing to post.

10. Her least favorite thing to do... she really does hate bowling... and miniature golf.

Happy mothers day to all the mothers out there. Hopefully you are all being treated like you should every day but especially today. A special happy mothers day to my mom (who is probably having her worst mothers day ever) I love you mom and hope you feel better soon.

A pre-pre teen.

So, it seems like kids are maturing really quickly these days.  Am I the only one that thinks so?  It's officially been a week since Riley turned 11.  However, it seems like she turned sixteen.  And I'm not sure how I feel about that.  

However, she's my girl.  She's my beautiful Riley.  And I'm slowly making my way to the background...as the mom.  It's a weird feeling.  Maybe it makes me try too hard?  Maybe it makes me now see why those mothers that I used to mock now seem to make sense?  I don't know.  I do know that it's bittersweet.  Where I'm so happy for her, and a little sad for me.  

Riley's birthday was an all day event.  She invited her "besty", Abbie.  And our first stop was at Leisha's salon, Unleished.  Which I love, btw.  I am so sold on Leisha.  If you're looking for someone to do your hair, go to her...she's fantastic.   Leisha not only did Riley's hair, but mine, and Abbie's.  And she bought Riley some cake bites and a cupcake for her big day.  Love her.  

Anyway, I want to point out the top picture--where Abbie is putting make up on.  Riley bought that the day before.  With her birthday money.  I was a little concerned, as on the way to the salon Riley was fixing herself up.  And she had a love affair with blue eye shadow.  I know it's in right now, but I  started wearing make up at a time where that was a taboo thing.  If your eyes are blue, you avoid the blue eye shadow, a la Barbie.  So as I drove, Riley sat in front, with Abbie in back, and the girls passing the makeup compact between them for the 30 minute drive.  I happened to glance over to Riley and she was wearing A LOT of blue eye shadow.  Not really knowing what to say, I blurted, "That's a lot of Blue, Babe".  She replied with, "YUUUUUUP".  I started to panic.  Wracking my brain trying to find a nice way of telling her that too much makeup is too much, I glanced over to see her applying even MORE.  I tried to be nice.  "Riley, when we wear makeup, we wear it to accentuate our features.  We don't want to put too much on..."  She interrupted me, "I know mom.  I was taking some of it off.  I didn't want to be like, scary, or something".  
:)  I was immediately relieved.  And then confused as to who this person sitting next to me, was.  Abbie was more of the "more is more" mindset.  But it was a day for indulgence, I guess.

Our hair was done; Abbie chose purple, and Riley chose blue.  (I stuck with the orange as per usual.  However, I did have Leisha give me some feathers.  And I really love them.  No matter how young everyone else is that has them...(I tell myself this every time I fix my hair).  After being beautified, we were off to the Mall.  

Jeff and I decided to wait to let Riley get her ears pierced.  Actually, Jeff decided to wait.  Jeff initially said that Riley was prohibited from ear piercing until she was 13.  I told him that by the time I was 13 I had had my ears pierced four times.  He replied with, "Exactly".  And that was that.  But the last two years Riley's been asking me to be able to wear earrings.  And Jeff finally conceded.

She really started to get nervous around lunch time; asking questions, me reaffirming it would hurt, and that I always thought the second one was worse, because you knew what was coming....and she started to doubt the entire process.  I told her she could always back out, and that reinforced her resolve.  That's my girl.  ;)  I recorded the entire process for your viewing pleasure, and because I love my iPhone movie maker app.  

Lastly, Riley wanted to bowl.  Not my favorite, but it wasn't my day. And the guy I was sitting next to?  Very smelly.  After two games Abbie and Riley wanted another one.  But I was tired, we'd been gone for almost twelve hours...and I was having a seriously terrible time breathing.  Cause you know...the smelly guy. 

 I'm still a little sad that she just keeps growing.  I guess that's life and all, but I'm not as ready as I should be, I think.  Riley is my beautiful girl.  And she's a constant reminder to me of how I want to be--she's hopeful about people and kind and patient.  There are so many things she teaches me each day--and sometimes I learn them gracefully, sometimes not.  I suppose there's a chance I might catch on to her examples of how to be...it's something to work on in the upcoming years, rather than stressing about being and oldie.  ;)  Happy 11th, Baby.  We love you so.

Catch up.

Hello Readers.
This last week has gone by so quickly, I don't even know where it went.  I haven't even been wasting my time online.  What. Is. Up?!  Right?  Anyway, Cole had his eighth birthday on the 8th.  He played hooky, and he and I had a mother and son lunch date. But first, I must give a ginormous thanks to my sister-in-law, Kelli.  Right before Jeff and I took off for Park City, she brought ME a gift.  Even though it was Jeff's birthday.  Fantastic!  Right?  I was so excited.  And this was it:  

Adorable!  I love it sooo much.  Unfortunately, my head is exceptionally large, for a woman.  I'm guessing it is for a man, as well.  Unsurprisingly, this doesn't do a lot for my self-esteem, but, it is what it is.  I always see cute hats, try them on, and wonder, "why do they make them so small'?  Let's just say this:  the reason why Cole's head is so big?  May not just be because of the Anderson genetics.  Kelli suggested I get it wet, and S-T-R-E-A-T-C-H it out.  It was a fine suggestion, cause look how fabulous it is on me: 

Unfortunately I have to share it with Syd.  Just like EVERYTHING that's mine.  But, I'm so happy with it.  And Kelli made it just cause I said she needed to make me one.  And she loves me.  I said it before and I'll say it again....I'm a lucky girl to have such awesome, talented people in my life.  That do stuff for me.  ;)
And now, back to Cole...because sadly, not everything is about me.  
At his choice, we traveled all the way to OREM to eat at Red Lobster.  He used to frequent the establishment with my dad, and he'd been asking to go eat shrimp for a long while, so I decided it was time.  

He thinks that pictures containing him putting various things into his mouth, are hilarious.  Hopefully, he just keeps it to during mealtimes.  Cause that could become really gross, really fast.
I kept trying to get a picture of Cole and me, on our lunch date.  You see, this is why I need the fourth generation iPhone, rather than the third.  Cause taking self portraits is pretty important.  Especially in this house where NO one is going to take my picture, but me.  I guess I looked rather pathetic, so the manager of the restaurant came out and took one of both of us. 

But I rather liked mine better...even if it didn't really include the actual "Birthday Boy". 

Pictures of me, minus my stomach, just feel more presentable.  I know this is supposed to be about Cole's birthday and whatnot.  But does he really want to see that?  I'm guessing no.  Rest assured I'm also making these decisions with him in mind, as well.  I'm not that self-obsessed.  Sheesh.  Before we left for Red Lobster, Cole came in and asked me if he could tell people that it was his birthday.  Not getting it, I said, "Like who?"  He said:  "not like, random people or anything, just my servers, and stuff.  You know, so they know it's a great day."  I said he could tell whomever he saw fit, and then found myself telling EVERYONE that it was my special boy's eighth.  Because of my lack of shame, he was rewarded, quite nicely:

I took about four bites, and he went to town.  Cole isn't much of a cake eater, but he loved it.  I know it's probably not the best for him because of his gluten problems, but, it was his birthday, so I let it slide.  Even though I wanted to eat like, WAY more than I did.  Does that make me an excellent mother?  Yes.  Yes it does.  
After Red Lobster, I drove Cole home to Jeff.  They then took the rest of the day doing "guy stuff".  Cole bought Pokemon cards with his birthday money, (ALL his birthday money, which I thought was a bit over the top, but I guess it's not my money)...so big thanks to grandma and grandpas Anderson, Fairbanks, and Teeples for making that happen. And Aunts and Uncles.  You've officially helped put MORE clutter in our home.  This is the only picture I got from Jeff's time with him: (See what I mean about no one taking pictures but me)?  

They went to the Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Rodnick Rules movie, to the Provo Beach Arcade, and the toy store nearby, and Target, and Walmart and then home.  He said it was his best day ever.  I'm glad he had such a great day.  I love my Bubbers SO much...for reals, I do.  He makes me happy.  

Finally, this is something that I did with one of my new iPhone apps:  (I know it's a bit rough, but it only took me like, two minutes to do, while the boys were celebrating Cole's birthday).  
I don't think I can tell you how much I am in love with my phone.  It's like, how I felt about my Blackberry....x a bazillion. (And Leah?  I can hardly get pics of my kids, either.  I've deleted at least a million blurry photos from the last three weeks.  But, the picture app I have is called Instagram, and it was free.  I don't know if it was a special, or not.  And the video one is called Film director.  I love how it allows me to put music, pictures, and video from my phone in one program).  Anyhoo, that's my phone information for this time.  Have an amazing week, Suckas!!  It's the kids's spring break, so I'm loving life right now.  So much that it's gonna be annoying for you all.  Hasta!

That time of year.

For those of you that don't know, it's Jeff's birthday tomorrow.  (The 6th-- Just in case this gets posted after 1:00 a.m. and I am made to look like an even bigger liar than it I already am).  Turns out, he is currently sick.  Some kind of cold that the kids have as well, and I am feeling the back-of-the- throat tickle, complete with runny nose, so I'm sure that one of these days I'll be able to say I'm sick, as well...Fingers crossed, right?  Yeah.
Anyway, I've already tapped my "making-Jeff-happy-cause-he-deserves-a-great-birthday-sources".  Some, repeatedly.  :)
So maybe I can tell him how great he is, how in love with him I am, how fantastic a father he is to my babies....and the list goes on and on, in this post.  I'll give it a whirl.  
I'd mentioned in my last post (and fyi?  There is SO much I need to tell you all, but it will have to wait until next time, as this post is supposed to be all about Jeff...so back on topic), that Jeff and I were going on a weekend getaway.  Two days of just the two of us.  I had reserved a room for a couple of nights in Park City.  I didn't think we could go any further away...Jeff and I haven't been away from the kids in eight years.  I could say nine, because the last time we went away I wasn't pregnant with Cole, yet.  Believe it or not the thought was really blissful, but the actuality of doing it?  Pretty scary.
I know I said this on Facebook, but I don't think the true sentiment is there.  Jeff and I wouldn't have gone if it wasn't for Muff and Chris.  I know that seems a bit extreme, but anyone that has kids knows it a huge deal to find someone to watch them.  Someone that you can implicitly trust, and preferably, have a sense of love there that resembles your own.  They were so great to leave their house, come to ours and not disrupt our kids anymore than we already were.  Anyway, as this is Jeff's post, I'll just say a huge THANKS SO MUCH to them, once again, and continue with my story.
It was a surprise.  Not the getaway, but the location.  And I'm actually shocked that it remained so, because Jeff is rather nosey.  I mean, if I have a gift, or if I buy something new, or if I try to be sneaky in any way, he finds out.  He says it's because I'm a terrible liar/hider.  But I say it's because he decides he just needs to "look around" for some reason around holidays, birthdays, or any other date of special recognition.  Or maybe it's because he has three spies that tell on me for absolutely EVERYTHING.  In either case, it's hard to hide stuff.  And, after being with Jeff for so long...there's only so much you can hide in any situation, otherwise he freaks out about it.  It's like someone that HAS to test the water for about two hours before getting in.  There's no way he'd go for a swim without the proper time for adjustment.  And this is how any change in life is, for Jeff.  He's got to get used to the idea, envision himself doing it, have days to consider the possibilities, and tell himself it's a good thing.   If I would have bombarded him with the information and told him that day that we were taking off?  I wouldn't have gotten him out the door.  It's stuff like this that has taken me years to figure out.  
Anyway, after a late start on Friday evening...because some guy showed up and tried to sell Jeff meat, (hilarious, right?), we were off.  I told him where to drive, and then he figured out Park City after we went through Heber.  

This is what I was most excited about.  Jeff loves baths.  I'm not a fan, really...I feel like I waste time if I take one.  However, this was an all-about-Jeff weekend, so I hoped he'd be happy with it.  He was.  

The first couple hours were kind of awkward.  How long has it been since we both got to decide solely on what WE wanted to do?  So long we sorta forgot how.   We decided we were hungry.  And chose a place to eat NOT for their kid's meals.  It was fancy living.  We chose RedRock Pub--it was quite close and so not our usual, so it was nice.  However, I made a mistake in ordering:

Minestrone sounded like a good idea at the time.  But the funny thing about this soup is, it looks exactly the same way coming back out.  I won't tell you how I know this, but trust me.  Something that I'd always wanted to try was fried green tomatoes.  And they had them there, and they were way good.  Also, my stomach has absolutely no beef with fried foods.  Just keeping it real, folks. And Jeff ordered, wait for it....a turkey sandwich!  However, he informed me that the fact it had cranberries on it was him stepping WAY out of his comfort zone.  I was proud.

The next day was Jeff's choice of movies.  He had it all planned out and scheduled when and what we would see.  However, we slept in until 2:00 in the afternoon.  When I woke up, I had a text from Muffy from five hours earlier saying that she had made all my kids breakfast...homemade chocolate chip pancakes complete with whipped cream.  I kinda worried that Riley, Cole, and Syd would never want us to come back home....but only for a while.  It was time to get dressed and do some shopping, (my choice), and then watch movies, (Jeff's choice).  
This was my big purchase:  

I was all about Jeff this trip, for sure.  But sometimes, when I see something I absolutely love, I gotta be about me, too.  Also, my bag doesn't need to double as a baby's carry-all anymore, so I was looking to downsize.  That's what I told myself, and that's what I'm sticking to.  
We then went to the movie Sucker Punch.  I will say right now that it is every nerd's fantasy wrapped up in one..complete with beautiful colors and fishnet combat wear.  However, it was a really great flick.  I enjoyed it, and the cheese it totally got away with, just because it was done so well.  I'm glad that Jeff wanted to see this movie with me--I really thought he'd save it for his upcoming guys-movie-night-out.  And I was more than fine with that.  But now that I've seen it, I have to admit it was awesome in the theater.  Perhaps I'm a bit of a nerd myself, but that's like the most far-fetched option I can think of.  

We also watched Paul.  I have a very intense love for Simon Pegg and Nick Frost...and especially their collaborative productions.  So I was way excited for this.  However, it wasn't as great as I was hoping.  Yes, there was some funny stuff.  Unfortunately, it had what I like to call, "An Adam Sandler Movie Ending".  If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you may just enjoy it more than I did.  

Aside from that, we just enjoyed being together.  Only having to decide and do what WE felt like doing.  It was really nice, and I miss it, already.  I did miss the kids, too...a lot.  The curse of being a parent, I guess.  But my time with Jeff was and will be treasured.  I saw a facet of him that I haven't seen in a long time just due to responsibilities, and...life.  
So here's my mushy birthday message to my husband:  I love you.  I'm grateful that we've been together for a sufficient while, and you still make me laugh.  And laugh at me.  (And sometimes with me).  I'm grateful that we take the time to try to understand each other, even if it doesn't always happen.  But we do always respect each other, and that's something that you've taught me.  I still wake up happy that it's you that's next to me.  I still go to bed at night happy that you're the one I kiss goodnight.  You make me happy, and you've given me everything;  our children, a life that I love, and full control of the check book.  I still feel like I'm the happiest girl in the whole USA.  And that's cause of you.  I hope your birthday is excellent...even though you're sick, and we already had our weekend getaway.  Maybe I'll go nuts tomorrow and make you lunch...maybe I'll rub your feet. Who knows? 

 "Love makes you do the wacky". ;) And how could I not love that guy?
Happy Birthday!