Not really sure what happened...

Hello everyone. The end part of last week was a busy and eventful one for this family...so it's kind of still surreal to be here. On Wednesday, December 3rd, I turned 31. However, in my mind, I'm still like, 27...so that's how old I'll refer to myself as, from now on. It's just more logical to me, this way. Besides, I can only handle so much reality, so you'll all be the ones forced to deal. Anyway, on December 3rd, I got a text from my sister-in-law saying that she'd been in labor a while, and they were going to break her water. I was happy for her, as I knew what she'd been going through, believe me, I knew. But at the same time I was overly jealous, as well. She was due a week later than I...and here she was going into labor, about to be done. Sometimes I am a terrible, terrible person.
Anyway, my birthday was good. I was still pregnant, true, but for Sydney's sake, I didn't want her to have to share birthdays with me. Jeff and I took the kids to school, and then went to the mall, just to hopefully put me into labor, and buy me some stuff from Bath and Body Works.
Have I mentioned how great buying stuff for me is? Well, it is. However, I'm sure you're more interested in the next part of the story. I made Jeff and the kids take me to the Training Table for dinner...where I can order and eat an entire plateful of french fries covered in cheddar cheese. It. Was. Awesome. After our dinner, I wasn't feeling that great. Massive stomachache, and issues from overeating fries and cheese...and the worst cramps ever. So, I took castor oil again...just to maybe get things started, or other things stopped. Anyway, all grossness aside, I started to have contractions. And after a while, Jeff went to sleep, and I kept feeling them. I decided that I would take myself to the hospital after two hours of feeling them, about two minutes apart, each. (They were tiny, and I knew there was no way my body was moving anything with those, but Sydney'd kind of stopped moving for a long time, and I thought I'd just go get everything checked out, and make sure there was no stress on her behalf. I woke Jeff up about 2ish, and told him that I was driving myself to the hospital, and he asked if I wanted him to take me. I told him no, because I didn't want to be embarrassed, when they sent me home, and I didn't want Kelli to come over to be with the kids for a few hours, and then have to tell everyone about my false alarm. He mumbled "okay", and laid back down.
I got to the hospital, and checked myself in. They took me to a room equipped with a bed and all the hookups. I got into one of those ridiculous gowns and just waited for the nurse to tell me that things weren't progressing, and that I was going to have to wait until the next day, when I'd have been a week overdue, and my doctor would induce me. So an hour went by and they watched my and Sydney's progression, which wasn't that intense, however, my contractions got harder...and fewer. So the nurse went to call my Doctor, came back, and told me that my doctor, the same man that made me go home two hours early of an exact week when I had Cole, said I could be admitted. I called Jeff, he showed up at about 5:30, they gave me pitocin, things progressed, and they broke my water. (The HARDEST and quickest labor I've ever had ensued, and) at 10:46 am, on December 4th of this year, Sydney Joy was born. She was encased in the waxy stuff the nurse referred to as "cheese", weighed 9lbs. 1 oz., and was 21 in. long. Cheese aside, she was beautiful. I was so happy to see her...and as you can see, I had no reservations about having my picture taken with my now larger family...however, seeing my hair right now, tells me I should have taken the proper precautions, first.
Anyway, she was healthy, and strong, and I'm so grateful, still. Seeing her little face, hearing her sighs, and feeling her weight makes me so happy. Even worth the saggy tummy and excess fat that will take forever to lose. I hate being pregnant...but I love my babies. I was so scared to have another one, because it's hard to imagine loving something the way I love Jeff, Riley, and Cole. But as soon as I saw her little face, she just made her way into the same category as them.
My sister-in-law ended up having her baby on my birthday. Story Grace, 8lbs. 7oz.I'm excited, and I've vowed to be a better "Aunt Twin" than the one I had while growing up. My Aunt "Bambi" had the same b-day as me, too...but she was completely whacked. She had three inch long nails, wore blue eyeshadow, huge hair, and had a huge gap between her front teeth that she'd stick her tongue in when she'd laugh at one of her own dirty jokes. (Also, she would sporadically remind me that we were a type of kindred spirits, and our birthday was a reason why we were so much alike). So, I have had the example to learn about what NOT to be like. I promise that I will be less trashy than Bambi, no matter what. Also, Sydney and Story will be the best of friends, I'm totally sure of it. Look at them, they're pretty tight already, so it's all planned out. My sister-in-law ended up having a c-section, so even though I went into labor later, I got to leave the hospital sooner. But besides some uncomfort for obvious reasons, she and Story are doing well, and as you can see, her daughter is beautiful. A big thanks to all visitors, callers, etc. Everything is going great, and we are all happy. Right now, I'm a bit out of it...lack of sleep and all, so please know that we appreciate all of you and all the attention. We're truly blessed. Love to all.

Dr. Appt.

As of right now, there is no "new" news. After an ENTIRE night of contractions, and finally being released from them at 5:00 am this morning, NOTHING happened except for a bit of softening of my cervix. So, the castor oil was for nothing, really. I drank it, and proceeded to puke everything back up, and now I'm thinking I'm not even gonna be cleaned out. Oh well. I guess it's just more poop for my doctor to put with. Hey, I tried to be thoughtful.
I had to get some anti-nausea medication, because I've been throwing everything up, and for some reason, I have a huge bruise all around my belly button, but other than that, I guess I'm okay. As long as Sydney is fine, I'm pretty good with everything. There was more protein in my urine, but my blood pressure looked fine, so no inducing yet. It may be another week or so before I get to hold my little squish. Jeff and I kind of have bets going on how big she'll be, and we both agree that she'll way over ten pounds. Luckily I didn't gain anymore weight...I attribute this to my recent bulimia...excellent.
Anyhoo, that's all for now. This was just my appt. update for those of you that keep checking in. I'll let you know more when I find out more. I'm going to be lying low for a while, as I know that my days of laziness are numbered and I'm trying to cash in on every extra wink I can get. So, until next time ladies and gents.

Last minute thoughts

My posts are always about my new dilemma and "how will I make it?" But when it comes down to the end game, I seem to get through just by the skin of my teeth. Someone, a lot of someones, always look out for me, and I am really grateful. I still complain about EVERYTHING, as you all know, but I do want to state that for the record, I DO feel the love. Tonight I took castor oil. I have taken it while pregnant with Riley and Cole, and it didn't do anything, but clean me out....and that is actually its own reward. My third child, and I know how it goes down in the delivery room--how after that first really hard contraction, you really could care less who is staring at your lady business, you're just trying to get that baby out. And so, I know that there's a big chance that I could be pooping all over those people that are standing/watching/staring from that vantage point. That being said, I still do what I can to try to avoid it, you know? Not that I really know whether or not I have, and in my own mind, I like to think that in no way is it a possibility. But that's all I have, so I'm trying to take the proper precautions.
It's weird to think that this time next week, no matter what, Sydney will be home with us. Tomorrow at 2:00 is my next appt. and from there we will be able to kind of see where things will go as far as getting her out. I've been feeling like maybe my blood pressure is spiking again. Just a lot of headaches, nausea, and peppery vision--those black dots and such, you know? So maybe my Doctor will say we're just going to go ahead and take her. Wishful thinking, anyway. I'll let everyone know, in any case. Anyway, just keeping you up to date. Sydney's been a good listener so far, and stayed where she's needed to be. Now that it's all clear, lets see if we can get her out.

Thankful Tag on Thanksgiving

I've been tagged by Shauna, and I kind of put it off--just cause I've actually been busy since I've been off bed rest. Not TOO busy, mind you, but busy enough that I haven't been online all day long. Anyway, I'm here now, being a big girl, figuratively with making my own turkey, and literally with Sydney residing in my midsection. I'm going to stop rambling and let you know what I'm thankful for, using the letters of my name.

R: Riley, Cole, Jeff, and Sydney. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for them, seriously. I say it a lot, but it's hard for me to truly comprehend and express how much my little family means to me. Sometimes I catch fleeting glimpses, as I see Riley sketching or when I fix her hair, or watch her walk into school, and I see how beautiful she is. How it amazes me that at one time, she was where Sydney is, now. I watch Cole as he talks to me, learning how to read, and takes a great interest in letters and sounds and how they all work together. My heart swells and I can't imagine life without my baby boy. And Sydney keeps me up at night, and while I wish she'd just settle down and go to sleep, I'm satisfied to feel her moving; to know first hand that she's strong, and I get overly excited to meet her. Lastly, there's Jeff, and he's my absolute best friend. There's isn't anything I can't tell him, and above all, he makes me feel loved, and protected and cherished, and he does the same for the kids.

A: Abilities. I'm able to get up and walk, talk, bend, comprehend, read, love, listen, argue, and the list goes on and on. I'm so grateful for these things that I take for granted everyday. It would be cool to have a super power, or something that sets me apart from everyone else...but on the other hand, I see others that may not have every ability that I do right now, and I wonder at their strength and perseverance. I believe we all have our own challenges, and that some of us are stronger than others, as far as that's concerned. But I'm grateful for the abilities that I do have, that I can care for my babies and my husband.

I: Insecurities. I know this is an odd thing to be thankful for. But my insecurities keep me more open, I believe. Thankfully, they aren't as prominent as they were in my teenage years, and yes, they're still annoying and cliche a lot of the time, but in other ways, they help me. I want to be a great mom...not just for everyone else to say I am, but for my kids to look back and know that I really tried. I want to be a good wife. I want to keep a clean house and a loving home. I want to be attractive and fun to be around. I never want to be offensive, or hurtful. These are things I worry about daily. But they also keep me in line, in a way. My insecurities keep me from being too sure of myself, and too set in my own ways. I know that's a skewed way to look at it, but it's how I feel.

N: Nearness of friends and family through technology. I'm thankful that I can call, or text, or email, or visit most of who I need or want to. I believe that technology is a fabulous thing...I love my toys: Ipod, laptop, Cell phone, Camera, Media Players, etc. All these things help me stay "nearer" to my loved ones. Also, I'm more of a writer than a talker. (It's true--for those of you rolling your eyes). Texting and email are two things I don't think I could do without--or blogging. I appreciate being able to reach out to friends and family through my toys. If I had to depend solely on traveling, I'd never get to stay in touch with anyone.

E: Eating. This time of year, especially. But honestly, food is a celebration for me. I also have those "emotional eating" problems, but you gotta take the good with the bad. I love that my belly is always full, and so are the bellies of my children. How it would be to not be able to provide that for me and mine, is something I've never had to face, and I'm truly grateful for that. Also, my favorite get-togethers always involve food, and the companionship and happiness that go with it.

Y: Yes--the word. I'm thankful when I hear it, this means things are going well and working out. This means questions I've asked have been answered and things are set in motion. This means my thoughts are agreed with, or validated. This means someone has confided in me, and thinks of me as a worthwhile friend. This means my kids and my husband are okay and happy. Though all this isn't the true meaning of the word yes, this is how it affects me.

Anyway, I am thankful for all these things and so much more, I'm just limited by some letters. I'm thankful for today, and the meal I'll be sharing with Muff and Chris and my family, and for the happiness they all bring to my life. I hope all you have a very happy Thanksgiving, and know that my thoughts and well wishes are with you. May your bellies be full, and your conversation be captivating. Happy Thanksgiving!

skewed frames of reference

I wanted to have this post done earlier, but so much happened yesterday, that I had to go to bed, as I was literally exhausted. So I apologize to all those that I may have thrown off schedule. (I know know this schedule thing to be true, because last week, as soon as I woke, even though I was confined to my bed, I checked email and blogs and continued to do so each hour. My situation may have been a bit extreme, but rest assured, I'm thinking of you all).
Anyway, if there were some sort of blog drum roll, this, for me, would be an occasion to use it.
Sydney is still packed very tightly away, and will be for the next um...6 days, at least. At my checkup, I hadn't dilated at all, which was good news, however, over the weekend I had some pretty painful contractions that didn't speed up or go anywhere, so I thought at least my body would recognize that hard work for what it was--exercises for cervix softening. But, no. Not at all. It looks like there's one thing I can honestly say about all my children that is the same; they just aren't going to come on their own. They prefer to have the proper budge, or they'll just stay where they are for the rest of their lives.
Now, if anyone would have told me this like, in the beginning or during this pregnancy, that I would be happy at the end to keep her right where she is, I would have laughed in their faces, and then posted about them, telling all that would listen how wrong and moronic they were. (And then probably about how I cried about it as well, because that's a huge staple in my day to day right now).
My appointment went like this....I went in, telling myself that I would NOT cry while the doctor was examining me. Not only was Jeff with me this time, but that just makes this uncomfortable situation worse, and I know this from previous experience. But I wasn't weepy or anything, because I'd just talked to the nurse and despite having sausage fingers and the occasional swelling over the weekend, my blood pressure was okay. She said that yeah, it was elevated, but at this stage of pregnancy, that's relatively normal, and not at scary levels, by any means. (Also, I had lost one pound. When I told Jeff this, he was "pleasantly surprised" for me, because he wanted me to be happy during the exam and such, but it was a sort of: "Well, yay, hon. Good for you", type response. What he didn't know was that I'd been reading about the pre-eclampsia stuff and another sign of it, besides everything else I've mentioned, is gaining about 2 or three pounds a week because your body keeps retaining water). Am I boring you yet? Get used to it. I'm sharing real life experience.
So, the doctor comes in and checks me. Says that the baby's still high, check. Says that I'm only dilated to a one, check. Says that my weight and blood pressure look good, and I asked about my urine, because last week he said that if the protein progressed to a two, he'd have to take Sydney this week. He looked at the chart and said that no protein was found this time. Jeff and I were so relieved. I'm a pretty pessimistic person. This news was my "best case scenario", completely. I asked about bed rest, and he said that yes, I can get up and do things--but that doesn't mean ANY heavy lifting, or marathon walks. I can pick my home up, though, and with the kids help, do laundry and wipe off counters and all the little things I complain about daily, but couldn't do for an entire week. And I seriously missed them.
Breaking it all down. I'm not on bed rest anymore. This really had me glowing yesterday, and strutting my pregnant stuff. I can do little things, but enough to do most of Thanksgiving dinner, and actually enjoy it. No DATS for me, but at this point, I'm okay with it--and, though he's a bit bummed, I'm sending Jeff. Sydney is still moving like she's going to rip her way out of me somehow, and I get the feeling she really is a big kid. Some of her stretches literally make me stop and gasp. But she's moving, and that's all I can ask for. I still have to "take it easy" whatever that means, until Sunday night. I told Jeff that Sunday, after 9:00pm, I'm going through this house like a whirlwind, cleaning and lifting and drinking as many Dt. Mt. Dews as I want. And if she doesn't come Sunday evening, which I am betting is the case, I have my next appt. Monday, at 2. So I'll definitely let you all know what's up.
I just have to thank people that came by...I won't mention all the names, because there are so many, and even ones that haven't physically come by, I've felt really taken care of by everyone's thoughts and calls and emails and everything. Though I've pouted and felt sorry for myself, I've been blessed with a great family, and great friends, and I want to take the time to own up to that. I've received offers and cards and texts and ice cream, and gifts and meals...Delicious meals that I just don't have the time or patience to make when I'm feeling my best. And it's all been a bit overwhelming, but not in a bad way, at all. Just emotionally. Sometimes it's hard to remember how much others love you, and will take care of you. Sometimes it's hard to accept those offers without feelings of guilt for putting them out, or maybe taking advantage. But either way, you all did so much for me and my family. So thank you. I love you, too. In a way, I now kind of feel guilty about not being on bed rest anymore. But sooo happy that I'm not. Anyway, like I said, at this point in time, usually I'm at my most miserable. But this last week showed me what it's like to experience something even worse--being scared. And I'm actually grateful for this experience, as sometimes I really lose sight of important stuff. The biggest lesson learned? That despite the difficulties others are having, whether it be with themselves or their families, or finances, or whatever, they still made time for me and mine. I'm truly grateful, and appreciative of the sacrifice of all your time and thoughts and acts of family love and friendship. Again, thanks so much.

The "keeping you posted" post.

First of all, I am technically OK, I think. I appreciate all the emails and calls and texts and well-wishes and offers of food, taking my children off my hands, and sympathy...cause you know I'm a total sucker for that. I will take all the offers very seriously...and if I need you, I will totally call. Right now I'm trying not to be a total wuss. I hate putting people out. But your thoughts and expressions were really heartfelt, and I wanted to say thank you all.

Jeff asked his HR rep. about the possibility of finagling some type of "getting insurance to kick in sooner" episode. (And not that I'm not naive or anything, but she DID say something about it to Jeff when he started his new job, so it's always been a hope--on the other hand, she also lost his W2 for over a month....so I had my doubts). No dice. I have to keep Sydney in me until December first, NO earlier, or we get nada. We've paid for her up to this point...the tests, the exams, the "how do you feels, and baby sounds healthys", and now it's a waiting game...to hopefully get her to stay put until at least two Sundays from now, at midnight. Keep your fingers crossed for me. Until that time, I'll be bed bound. And seeing as this is my second day, I know that I'm not going to handle this well. Bed rest is boring. Not drinking my daily Diet Mountain Dew is maddening, and missing out on all these things that I've seriously been looking forward to for the last month, is killing me. Plus, there's the fact that I'm even grouchier than usual because I'm feeling sorry for myself, and my kiddos deserve better. I'm going to try to be better, just for them, but I'm whining, too. A tiger can't change its stripes, right? Anyway, that's that for now. Just thought I'd fill you in.

Hope all is well in your lives...because stress and the crap that goes along with it, sucks. I know that a lot of you are dealing with stuff like this, and worse...and honestly, my heart goes out to you. So please just take my whining with a grain of salt, as I know that I'm a weak woman in the sense that when it's something out of the ordinary, I panic. But for those of you that deal daily with hardships and tears, I am thinking about you. You are in my prayers, and please know that though I'm lazy right now, I won't always be...and if help is needed, I'd be happy to oblige. If I were a better person, I wouldn't have to tell anyone that I was willing to help with stuff...but I know that because of my complaining, I have effectively created a picture of me being selfish and crass...and I'm not ALWAYS like that. Anyway, thanks again, and people, work on your blogs. I've got a lot of time with just me and my computer....and if you want to be extra nice to me, give me stuff to stalk--and comment on. Later dudes.

It's in the urine.

Okay. So I went to the doctor's office today. This post may get a little unsavory. So for my readers that are grossed out by my usual frankness, you may want to skip this one.
I've been feeling crappier than usual. This isn't too surprising to me, seeing as how I always feel crappy during pregnancy. I'm also a hypochondriac, so anything that seems out of the ordinary, to me, is dire straits. I mean, I can handle pain. I don't have a problem with needles or being poked and prodded, or tests or cuts, or really any of that stuff. (Also, I know I complain about the pain of exams, but that is all really in my head, and I know this...it's emotionally painful to me to know that someone that I really don't know is digging around in an area that I'm pretty protective of...and looking for signs of life. It's more of a "please don't look at me" feeling, rather than actual pain). I am, however, very concerned about the unknown...and symptoms that may match negative outcomes. It's a conundrum, I know, but I've told you before--not a lot about me is rational.
Anyway, lately I've been having what I thought were possible little contractions. Not that I would know, because I've never had one that hasn't been given to me, by Pitocin. Contractions, and labor, though they hurt, I know that this is what's expected to get the baby out, and so I deal. However, it's completely different to me when I'm in my bed, at night, worrying about the possibility of needing to go to the hospital, exactly two weeks before our insurance kicks in. This makes for some nasty nightmares.
So, while I've been having some unusual pain, I have been quite stoic, and just dealt with it; rationalizing that perhaps this is normal stuff, and I wouldn't know just cause it's never happened before. Also, these little so-called contractions, if that's what they were, would help to soften and open my cervix. Maybe making labor more of a natural issue for me, rather than one that has to be planned down to the last second, as with Riley and Cole.
Anyway, today I find out that despite my trying to be a "big girl" about the uncertainty, and the dizziness, and the overall fatigue that I get from EVERYTHING, I'm actually in the early stage of Preeclampsia. According to my urine test, I have a plus one in protein...and should it get any higher, the doctor told me he'll have to "take the baby" next week. By C-section? By just inducing? I don't know and he didn't say. He DID say to come into his office IMMEDIATELY should I feel rotten (and hello, I always do), have a persistent headache (this is something that happens continually throughout), or start to see spots in my vision (which has been happening daily for the last eight weeks). You don't tell a hypochondriac this information...it just gives us too many possibilities. So right now, Jeff has confined me to bed rest. Also, he's banned all soda/caffeine. (And this, I assure you, will be the death of me). The problem is, though bed rest sounds great...I have two other kids that need to be taken to and from school. And helped with homework, and fed, and played with, and I already feel like a completely negligent mother. Also, I'm seriously going to go out of my mind.
So, Jeff is going to check with his HR rep. tomorrow. Hopefully, there may be a string that can be pulled or something....something that will establish his being there for three months, (which he has), and in some way get our insurance to kick in a few days sooner. If not, it's bed rest for me, which is really sad, because this means that Book club, and my weekend movie retreat that I have be PLANNING on for so long, looking forward to for so long, will have to go on without me. And then next week, I'll miss DATS...my heart hurts just thinking about it. While all are going on...I'll be in bed. Miserable and angry.
So I'm asking for some positive vibes to be sent this way. I'm hoping that some miracle will happen with the whole insurance process...and this way, I don't have to worry about my blood pressure spiking just because of worrying about this whole situation. Anyway, that is the update for now. Apparently peeing into a cup each time does do something--too bad it's biting me in the butt. I'll keep you informed.