skewed frames of reference

I wanted to have this post done earlier, but so much happened yesterday, that I had to go to bed, as I was literally exhausted. So I apologize to all those that I may have thrown off schedule. (I know know this schedule thing to be true, because last week, as soon as I woke, even though I was confined to my bed, I checked email and blogs and continued to do so each hour. My situation may have been a bit extreme, but rest assured, I'm thinking of you all).
Anyway, if there were some sort of blog drum roll, this, for me, would be an occasion to use it.
Sydney is still packed very tightly away, and will be for the next um...6 days, at least. At my checkup, I hadn't dilated at all, which was good news, however, over the weekend I had some pretty painful contractions that didn't speed up or go anywhere, so I thought at least my body would recognize that hard work for what it was--exercises for cervix softening. But, no. Not at all. It looks like there's one thing I can honestly say about all my children that is the same; they just aren't going to come on their own. They prefer to have the proper budge, or they'll just stay where they are for the rest of their lives.
Now, if anyone would have told me this like, in the beginning or during this pregnancy, that I would be happy at the end to keep her right where she is, I would have laughed in their faces, and then posted about them, telling all that would listen how wrong and moronic they were. (And then probably about how I cried about it as well, because that's a huge staple in my day to day right now).
My appointment went like this....I went in, telling myself that I would NOT cry while the doctor was examining me. Not only was Jeff with me this time, but that just makes this uncomfortable situation worse, and I know this from previous experience. But I wasn't weepy or anything, because I'd just talked to the nurse and despite having sausage fingers and the occasional swelling over the weekend, my blood pressure was okay. She said that yeah, it was elevated, but at this stage of pregnancy, that's relatively normal, and not at scary levels, by any means. (Also, I had lost one pound. When I told Jeff this, he was "pleasantly surprised" for me, because he wanted me to be happy during the exam and such, but it was a sort of: "Well, yay, hon. Good for you", type response. What he didn't know was that I'd been reading about the pre-eclampsia stuff and another sign of it, besides everything else I've mentioned, is gaining about 2 or three pounds a week because your body keeps retaining water). Am I boring you yet? Get used to it. I'm sharing real life experience.
So, the doctor comes in and checks me. Says that the baby's still high, check. Says that I'm only dilated to a one, check. Says that my weight and blood pressure look good, and I asked about my urine, because last week he said that if the protein progressed to a two, he'd have to take Sydney this week. He looked at the chart and said that no protein was found this time. Jeff and I were so relieved. I'm a pretty pessimistic person. This news was my "best case scenario", completely. I asked about bed rest, and he said that yes, I can get up and do things--but that doesn't mean ANY heavy lifting, or marathon walks. I can pick my home up, though, and with the kids help, do laundry and wipe off counters and all the little things I complain about daily, but couldn't do for an entire week. And I seriously missed them.
Breaking it all down. I'm not on bed rest anymore. This really had me glowing yesterday, and strutting my pregnant stuff. I can do little things, but enough to do most of Thanksgiving dinner, and actually enjoy it. No DATS for me, but at this point, I'm okay with it--and, though he's a bit bummed, I'm sending Jeff. Sydney is still moving like she's going to rip her way out of me somehow, and I get the feeling she really is a big kid. Some of her stretches literally make me stop and gasp. But she's moving, and that's all I can ask for. I still have to "take it easy" whatever that means, until Sunday night. I told Jeff that Sunday, after 9:00pm, I'm going through this house like a whirlwind, cleaning and lifting and drinking as many Dt. Mt. Dews as I want. And if she doesn't come Sunday evening, which I am betting is the case, I have my next appt. Monday, at 2. So I'll definitely let you all know what's up.
I just have to thank people that came by...I won't mention all the names, because there are so many, and even ones that haven't physically come by, I've felt really taken care of by everyone's thoughts and calls and emails and everything. Though I've pouted and felt sorry for myself, I've been blessed with a great family, and great friends, and I want to take the time to own up to that. I've received offers and cards and texts and ice cream, and gifts and meals...Delicious meals that I just don't have the time or patience to make when I'm feeling my best. And it's all been a bit overwhelming, but not in a bad way, at all. Just emotionally. Sometimes it's hard to remember how much others love you, and will take care of you. Sometimes it's hard to accept those offers without feelings of guilt for putting them out, or maybe taking advantage. But either way, you all did so much for me and my family. So thank you. I love you, too. In a way, I now kind of feel guilty about not being on bed rest anymore. But sooo happy that I'm not. Anyway, like I said, at this point in time, usually I'm at my most miserable. But this last week showed me what it's like to experience something even worse--being scared. And I'm actually grateful for this experience, as sometimes I really lose sight of important stuff. The biggest lesson learned? That despite the difficulties others are having, whether it be with themselves or their families, or finances, or whatever, they still made time for me and mine. I'm truly grateful, and appreciative of the sacrifice of all your time and thoughts and acts of family love and friendship. Again, thanks so much.