Rainey's Pearls of Wisdom

Earlier last week, Riley asked me what the word, "respect" meant. I told her the definition, and she asked if I respected anyone. I told her "yes, there are a few people", and then she asked me why I respected them. I told her there a bunch of reasons, but mostly because they had done something to show that showed they respected me. I have more on this, but I need to touch on some other stuff, first.
I'm gonna wax poetic about the song, "Handlebars" By Flobots. First off, let me say, I KNOW. I'm sick of it too...it's on every radio station, and because my son loves it, I must endure it each and every time it plays, usually about 5 times, when I'm in my car. But, despite being sick of this song, and it's widespread commercial interest, I must concede that it makes me think. The first few times I listened to it, I enjoyed it's catchy tune, it's fun refrain, and the way Cole bobs his head to the bass line, and tries to sing along. After the first few times of listening to it, however, I found myself comparing it to the personality of boys. This is because I look at Cole, and everything about him, even if he's not saying it exactly, screams, "Look at me, Look at me!" I thought that was humorous. As my little Bubbers is that kid that believes he can do anything, as all kids should. Everything falls into two categories. The first one: I Would Be Completely Awesome At That, and the second: Uh, Totally Not Interested. He goes between these two options daily, and it's one or the other, there is no in-between. Whatever he's not interested in, shouldn't exist, basically, and whatever he does, he doesn't think that anyone else in history has done it even close to as perfectly as he.
Then there's the second part of the song. Where the positive of that complete faith in self can be less than glam. The part where if he chooses, he can send someone to jail, just because he doesn't like them, he can start a holocaust, or should he choose, just push a button and bomb whomever is pissing him off at that particular time. This is what's sad to me. Because all kids start out with this complete love of self...and it's the best thing for parents to watch. We think this way, too...that there's nothing our babies can't handle or do fabulously. But to grow up without having anyone tell you that maybe your ideas aren't that evolved, or maybe your opinion isn't that educated...you can easily turn into this self-centered person that believes that anything they do is justified. Not only justified, but law, because of the sheer awesomeness that is them. They get to a certain age after all those years of being catered to, and then won't even think about the slightest possibility that they are capable of making a mistake, or just being a jack-ass. (I'm just going to throw this out there, because it's totally who I imagine as this song is playing--George W.). I know, some people will find massive offense in this, but this is my blog, and therefore, my opinion, so deal.
Anyway, back to not only my son, but my daughter, too. I love them, and I believe--I know that they can do anything. I also know that they learn each day, through trial and error, and I have to acknowledge their mistakes as much as their accomplishments. This can be in a positive manner, mind you, not something that has them terrified to voice an opinion or thought. (Like shaming, for instance. My father swore by it...not me, so much. I want my kids to feel like they can keep an open mind...not so brow-beaten that whatever someone older says has to be gospel-truth, and therefore, they must respect it). That's another beef I have today, and I'm trying to kind of go back to the respect issue...there are just too many extremes with kids. On one side, they must be respectful and polite and all those adult-pleasing qualities. On the other, they need to have self-esteem and stick up for themselves. I feel that these usually cancel each other out, if the older generation have their way. Like my parents...their first concern was that we kids were polite and demure. It didn't really matter that we had no clue who WE were, or how to set boundaries so we could protect ourselves. So though I have issues with this, I'm grateful I went through it. I know quite a few things NOT to do...and I think in this day and age, it's important. I'm not saying I want my children to be brats, no one does. But I do want them to know that I believe in them, and that there is always room for improvement. Also, that beings one's best is most important, rather than someone else's idea of what's best, and, that just because someone is older, richer, more educated, or more respected; doesn't ever mean that they DESERVE respect. They deserve kindness, as I think that everyone does. But respect has to be earned, no matter who the person is. I feel like I need to earn my children's respect, and if this is the case, why would I expect them just to blindly follow someone else? Okay, now I'm rambling. I could go on forever about this, but for you, I won't. I'll try to get back to my previous point...however long ago that was.
Respect and whatnot. Basically, to answer Riley's question, and this is what I told her, it's all about what you're comfortable with. Respecting someone is honoring what they say, and acting accordingly; just being attentive to their opinions and suggestions. The key word, attentive. Not being obligated to do what that person says, or having to believe or think the same way they do. I feel that this is the hardest part of parenthood; for me, anyway. I want my children to believe in themselves and be able to believe in others. Yet, I don't want them to be utterly disappointed when or if someone they believe in, lets them down. Because it happens all the time. As long as their foundation is strong in Jeff and I, and they know that they are loved and appreciated, and respected, I really think that they'll be able to find that in others. I want Cole and Riley to both go on believing that they can do anything. But I also want them to realize that they have strengths and weaknesses, and it's perfectly normal, perfectly okay to have both. We all need to have something to work toward, not having everything handed to us. Anyway, that's my deep thought for tonight. Let me know whether you agree or disagree.