Chachachanges...

First off, BIG THANKS to those of you that gave me ideas for resumes. I want to let you know, I listened, and I will soon be putting those ideas to use. Now then. I've decided that I'm going to go outside my comfort zone. I'm thirty, I'm pregnant, and I'm gonna do some stuff differently. My first change? I can't wait...I'm cutting my hair. I was wanting to continue to grow it and then donate it, but I'm just done. Kudos to those that can wait it out, and do...but I'm not one of those. I'm so sick of it I want to scream--when I get like this, I seriously consider grabbing a pair of dollar store scissors and hacking it myself; something that never ends well. And I just do the same thing with it each day--a ponytail or some sort of something to keep it out of my face. (Granted, it is summer, and there's really no other logical way to wear it, but just try to feel my pain). So Monday, Riley and I are going in for some dead-end removal, and such. Hopefully this will encourage me to do stuff with it occasionally. Now for the whole "pregnancy" factor. Though I can't do anything about that, I can change my attitude about being pregnant. Riley asked me today what I liked about being pregnant...I told her because I know that eventually I will have a new baby. I really thought about my answer after I gave it to her. I am going to try to embrace this pregnancy, because it's my LAST ONE. (I'm so very serious that I'm looking into Jeff getting the final snips to take care of the possibility). Also, officially today, I am exactly halfway through. Of course I thought I was here three weeks ago, but I'm not focusing on that, because this is an "empowering post". Anyway, I don't know if it's because I'm off my meds or what, but I feel constantly 'down' about myself. And believe me, I'm aware of how selfish this all sounds..."Whaaa, I'm fat. Whaaa, nothing fits me and it's too hot. Whaa...I feel like with the acne, the extra sweat, the extra hair, and the overly tired and mannish looking face, I'm hideous to look at so I don't want to go anywhere or do anything." It's not like I'm trying to impress anyone, it's not like there's anything I want more than my husband and kids to feel loved and appreciated. However, I am feeling like I am the center of everyone's attention, and not in a good way. The opposite of good, actually. Blah, it's embarrassing, and frustrating. So I'm going to stop being overly obsessed with myself. Can I do this? It remains to be seen, true, but I'm going to try. From here on out, I'm going to really try to concentrate on me being a vessel for a beautiful little girl to grow and develop. That this time is hers, not mine, and I'm going to try to do it willingly. (Note: Five more months is a long time, so have patience for when I relapse).
Also, I've got about two more months before I get painfully huge. So I'm going to take this time and use it towards getting ready for baby, getting my home clean--deep cleaned, and getting rid of crap that for some reason, it seemed important to save at one time. I have a lot of that crap, and I think it's starting to overrun us. Oh, and speaking of, I was wondering if anyone has, or knows anyone that has, a twin mattress and box spring they could part with--I'm willing to pay. I just thought I'd throw that out there. My children have now been moved into the same room...phew. Jeff isn't as stoked about this as I and they are, but I wanted to make this adjustment before school starts. Also, they are still at the age where sharing a room is "cool" instead of a serious step down in the world, so we must take advantage, NOW.
We have vacated Riley's old room for the baby. Of coarse, she'll sleep in our bedroom for a while, but we want her to have a place where we can put her to sleep without having one of the kids go in and out at all times. Also, I still remember when my little brother would wake up in the night, and I had school the next day. He was only six years younger than I, and I know that it's going to be a hard adjustment for both Riley and Cole, so I'm trying to think ahead while I can still sort of think. Both of my children now don't like loud noises--unless they are making them. The baby's cry will be a hard thing to deal with...Riley used to sit in the back seat with Cole with her ears covered and her eyes closed as he'd cry because the rear-facing car seat is seen by my children as some sort of torture device. I fear that this time it will be worse, as Cole isn't near as even-tempered as Riley is.
So anyway, these are a few of the differences I'm going to try to make. Wish me luck and perseverance--because in reality, I'm a big fat baby that doesn't like it when things get hard. Just in case you hadn't noticed from previous posts. Toodles.