My daughter

So my daughter is taking dance. From Amy, no less. She and Amy's niece, Aislynn, (I hope that's how it's spelled), go on Tuesday evenings and stay at Kory and Amy's home for an hour, hopefully listening long enough to Amy to actually learn something. Sometimes when I look at my daughter, I am overwhelmed. I ache. I think about how I felt in the second grade, insecurities I had, and feel so protective of her, I almost want her to stay home and teach her myself. Except, I know it would drive me crazy, and I'm too afraid she'd end up like those kids that were home-schooled until the eighth grade....I remember a brother and a sister that would hold hands down the halls. Not a good situation for eighth grade fraternal twins. Yes, they were teased relentlessly. Yes, it was mean...but it was just too weird. I can't do that to my daughter. Sometimes I want to, though.
However, it seems like she doesn't have many terrible experiences at school. I'm grateful for that, and I am grateful that she's so beautiful. She has her friends, and she has her boyfriends, and she's smart and funny. All the things I wished I was for so many years. And yet, I hope and pray that her self-esteem isn't like mine. It's hard having a kid that goes to school. I want to know how her day was, and I get a, "good". Granted, that's better than some horrific story of ridicule and torture, but sometimes I wonder if there's something more I need to do. If there is a way that I can draw out more details about her day.
She was mad at me tonight. I don't like making her mad, I don't like making her sad, but it seems like something I do often. I expect her to act completely grown-up, and take care of her brother, and never make wrong decisions....I put all this pressure on her. I don't even realize I'm doing it sometimes. She's only seven years old. Yet she's responsible and she's thoughtful, and instead of being super content with all that, I expect more from her. She got an "Oops" note from her teacher today. Apparently she was "squawking like a bird instead of sitting quietly during work time". Somehow, upon first reading this, I felt like this was an extension of me...I was embarrassed because she isn't completely A plus material every second of every day. I was embarrassed, because I truly believe that, "I have totally taught her better than that". So I took away her Wednesday play date. She started crying like I had just punched her in the face and then I got upset because she didn't automatically understand and agree with her punishment. I'm too hard on her a lot of the time. I take her for granted. I might just be a little jealous of all her beauty and talent and niceness and creativity, underneath all the pride. Why am I telling you this? I don't really know. I guess maybe to confirm the fact that I am so not a perfect mom and that Riley is a strong girl. Stronger than I could ever be, and I'm amazed every day at how great at everything she is...a trait she has most-definitely inherited from Jeff. Anyway, I guess it comes down to me not having to worry about her as much as I do. She deals with everything so much better than I ever could. She's actually taught me how to have more faith in myself, just by the faith she has in me. It's odd, how much I learn from my children. Things I know I couldn't have ever understood without them.
So, I have decided that tomorrow I'm going to be better. I'm going to try to be more understanding and motherly and less sarcastic and spacey and PMSal. I'm going to look at my beautiful little girl and say things that will let her know how I really feel, that I'm so proud of her and thankful that she's so fabulous. It's easy with Cole, because I can just grab him and squeeze. With Riley, I get, "Mooooom, what are you doing?" So sometimes it's hard to gage what is and what is not acceptable. But I'm going to do more. I'm going to be firm, yet loving. I'm going to accept the fact that she's strong and smart and she's still only seven. I'm also willing to take any motherly advice as to how to not screw up my daughter. So should anyone have any tips, please let me know.